The Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
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Parental Controls Fail: Porn, Stupid TV, Cooking Shows Still Dominate
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Despite their widespread use, parental controls have been a disappointment as a means of empowering children to control their parents' Internet and television viewing.
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Nov 15, 2009, 09:32
Three Second Rule Extended During Recession
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The federal three-second guideline, which cautions people against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been dropped, will be extended to six seconds for the remainder of the current recession, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture spokesperson.
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Mar 25, 2009, 12:50
Pope Benedict XVI Declares War on Wet Dreams
VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI, who threatened condom users in Africa with excommunication recently, is now taking aim on wet dreams. In an encyclical entitled God Owns the Night the supreme pontiff warned Catholics that they "cannot seek refuge in sleep" in order to enjoy illicit sexual activities.
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Mar 21, 2009, 09:51
Nation’s Largest Sperm Banks Seek Bailout
LOS ANGELES – AIG (Alternative Insemination Group) and Semen Brothers, the nation’s two largest sperm banks, say they cannot come close to meeting financial obligations without a sizable “money shot” from Washington.
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Mar 18, 2009, 09:14
Web Founder, Tim Berners-Lee, Finally Admits He Misspelled Worldwide
GENEVA – Tim Berners-Lee, the father of the world wide web, finally has admitted that he misspelling “worldwide” when he created the web twenty years ago.
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Mar 15, 2009, 08:28
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