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Numbers That Wag the Dog
Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

Official Carly Fiorina
C-Bomb Counter™
The Donald was right: Who could vote for that mug? Imagine seeing that cowpie with eyes on the front page of your newspaper in the morning. The only thing worse would be seeing that cowpie with eyes in your bed in the morning. She's a two-bagger, for sure. She's also a devout foe of the word cunt, though she gives every appearance of being one.Indeed,a source close to the Fiorina campaign revealed recently that if old grumblemug gets elected, she'll make the use of that word in any public space a felony. Thus we feel obliged to introduce the Official Carly Fiorina C-Bomb Counter, which reports the number of times the C-Bomb has been used any place in America since you landed on this page. (Figures do not include uses by Donald Trump, who calls women cunts all the time.)

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

image of a gun

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

Vegans Celebrate Paul Prudhomme’s Death with Tofu-Seitan Turducken
The West Goshen Vegan Alliance (WGVA), a militant culinary rights group, is holding a special Fat Chance Supper on Saturday October 17 to commemorate the passing of chef Paul Prudhomme, who is alleged to have created the turducken, "a hideous monstrosity" comprising a deboned chicken shoved inside a deboned duck, which is, in turn, crammed into a deboned or partially deboned turkey. First-cousin avian food porn for the redneck set.
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Oct 10, 2015 - 3:16

Matt Damon, a Bourne Astrologer Who Survives in The Martian*
Born today you share a birthday with our guest astrologer Matt Damon, and with a South American dictator; the founder of the United States Communist party; two members of the Average White Band; two members of an average white band (The Ramones); a old, washed-up, evil comedian; a politician too short to ride the Godzilla Coaster; a politician who talks like Godzilla; a Columbian serial killer; Sigourney Weaver, and Bruno Mars (who figures to look like a right Martian one day). That’s an astrological fright house even when the lights are on, eh? Wanna know who those mop handles are? We didn’t think so.
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Oct 8, 2015 - 11:23

#blacklivesmatter Campaign Launched at Dunkin’ Donuts
PROVIDENCE, R.I.—Dunkin’ Donuts’ new #blacklivesmatter campaign hit a speed bump after it had been rolled out in Providence, Rhode Island, last Friday. Matter of fact, the campaign hit a police cruiser when a Dunkin’ Donuts employee wrote “#blacklivesmatter” on the side of a patrolman’s coffee cup.
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Oct 7, 2015 - 12:16

What Did Pope Francis Know and When Did He Know It?
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Since finding out last week that Pope Francis, “the cool pope,” had met secretly with Kim Davis in Washington, D.C., on September 24, a meeting that was kept on the down low for six days, everybody from Catholic church officials to their gay brothers-in-law have been scrambling to explain why that meeting didn’t amount to a hill of rosary beads.
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Oct 5, 2015 - 7:33

Stay the Fuck Home, Mick Jagger: The Pug Bus Blog #2
Dear Mick,
I see where you dragged your withered buttocks on stage the other day to croak your way through “Satisfaction” with that towering mediocrity Taylor Swift. Well, she towered over you that’s for sure, in more ways than one. What in the name of all that's wrinkled, wizened, and way past its prime—namely you, you sorry git—were you thinking? Did you take a minute to stop and consider what you looked like? Was there no mirror in your dressing room? You looked like shite; you sounded like shite. Indeed, I don't think Brian Jones looks any worse than you these days.
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Oct 3, 2015 - 8:08

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© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.


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The Fuck It List

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Shit to Give Up Before You Die

☻Seat Belts
☻Paying for Music and Movies
☻Holiday Celebrations
☻Pissing Indoors All the Time
☻Paying Attention to Stop Signs
☻Going to Bed Before Midnight.
☻Standing for the fucking
      National Anthem at Sporting
☻Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknown There's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.

The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Sites for Sore Eyes
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High Times
Pirate Bay
Spectrum Labs
Vaults of Erowid