postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just an educated word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your stinking grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate
. Visit The Grammar Prick
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
We Dream of Making Cracker the New Nigga
Somerset Maugham wrote that people will forgive anything you do to them, but they seldom forgive anything you say to them. The old bender was almost right. In the United States of Decline these days, people won't forgive anything you say. Period. Doesn't matter if you say it to them or about them or not even about them at all. If you utter a "protected word," your ass is in the soup quicker than a missionary's who ran afoul of the hottentots.
Feb 9, 2021 - 3:21
Enough with the Vietnamese Ex-hookers on Tech Support
If you call tech support these days, you get a menu of three choices: Some chappie with a rogan-josh Indian accent telling you, "My name is Brian"; or a low rider who talks faster than his relatives run when they're caught stealing electricity; or some Vietnamese ex-hooker who calls you "Feel," when your real name is Phil. (Only your basic ebonics speaker puts more e's into that one.)
Jan 24, 2021 - 5:49
America Rocked by Assault on Capitol Decor
Last Wednesday afternoon a mob of Trump supporters, many of them armed, was roaming about the Senate floor and the Capitol Rotunda looking for souvenirs and a spot of bother, having recently stormed past "security" guards and police on the east and west sides of the building.
Jan 13, 2021 - 6:33
National Pardon Yourself Day
Everyone, it seems, has an opinion regarding a president's authority to pardon himself for wrong doings of a pardonable sort. Ever the contrarians, we do not have an opinion in this regard. Lucky you.
Jan 2, 2021 - 10:54
Killer Kwanzaa App Suspected of Causing Computer Crashes
The Killer Kwanzaa app, offered free through the Black Lives Matter (BLM) website, is suspected of forcing its way onto the tablets, mobile phones, and computers of selected persons who visit the BLM site—whether they want the app or not.
Dec 25, 2020 - 6:30
Satire Site Calls for Boycott of West Chester Restaurant
Postcards from the Pug Bus, West Chester's longest-running satire site, has called for an immediate boycott of the Market Street Grill, located in the borough, which has chosen to defy Governor Wolf's current ban on indoor dining in the commonwealth.
"We cannot allow restaurant owners to put profits above public safety during this pandemic," said Chip Hilton, food, music, and wellness editor of the Pug Bus.
Dec 23, 2020 - 7:07
AMA Dropping Elitist Foreign Names for Phobias
American Medical Association (AMA) board member Deter Camel, MD, MPH, HMFIC, ended weeks of speculation when he announced yesterday that the association will discontinue its practice of giving "elitist foreign names" to phobias. Dr. Camel made the announcement during his weekly radio address, which is broadcast live to AMA members in operating rooms throughout the United States.
Dec 22, 2020 - 6:57
National Irregardless Day
We fucking love the sound of irregardless. It's a four-syllable word from the wrong side of the dictionary, we know; but one should never send a three-syllable word to do the work clearly intended for a four-syllable roustabout.
Dec 19, 2020 - 6:14
Whoopi Goldberg Is an Ass Hat for Sure
A gay, British, former friend of mine who was active in the animal rights movement ... and, some whispered, active in the animal rights "underground" too... hated Whoopi Goldberg. Absolutely hated, despised, shat-upon-and-spat-upon hatred. Hated her so much that he stooped to hurling an ethnic slur at her. Yep. He called her "white trash."
Dec 16, 2020 - 9:27
The NBA Can Go Fuck Itself
If I ever watch another minute of another NBA game, I hope the god that I don't believe in strikes me dead nine ways to Sunday. I'm seeking a their-fault divorce. I have canceled my subscription to the all-you-can-watch NBA League Pass. This interracial marriage cannot be saved.
Dec 15, 2020 - 10:39
St. Theneva, Patron Saint of Breast Reductions
Saint Theneva of Glasgow was a British princess who enjoyed the horizontal sports from an early age. Her fondness for frolic was something of an embarrassment to her father, Lord Seefeth, who was planning to invade England and sought the favor of god in that enterprise.
Dec 14, 2020 - 6:30
It's the THC, Stupid
The average American pick-up truck has gained 1,142 pounds since 1990. The average American, about the same. The average Phish tune, in concert, added nearly two minutes around its middle, and personal pizzas got 25 percent larger. Go big or go home: The 11th Commandment writ large.
Dec 13, 2020 - 6:17
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
The Bad Phil
Most people try to conceal their psychotic alter egos, suppressing them lest they burst forth and murder fifteen people. Our editor in briefs—a contrarian's contrarian—proudly walks his in public ... off leash. Here's what The Bad Phil has to say about why he doesn't want to be called a white person any longer; the festering evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass
has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story
from time to time.
Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do
know about Schrödinger’s cat
and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards
is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-
You Can't Photoshop This
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.