Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
You Are All Charlie Hebdo, Warns the Grammar Prick Jan 8, 2015 - 2:11
That was some strange shit that went down in Paris yesterday, wasn't it, boys and girls? Couple of Muslim thugs and their butt boy killing all those people in the Charlie Hebdo magazine office over a few cartoons that took the piss out of the prophet Muhammad.
The Grammar Prick has to confess that there have been times when he has felt like grabbing his AK-47 and squeezing off a few rounds in retaliation for a blasphemous usage. Just the other week, for example, his trigger finger began spazzing when he heard some sportscaster trip over the distinction between farther and further.
No decent person makes that mistake, boys and girls, and anyone who does should not be allowed to live; so let's put on your bulletproof vests and see if we can't sort this out before you find yourself pleading with the business end of an assault rifle.
1. How much (farther-further) is it to Cleveland?
2. The committee has agreed to give your recommendation (farther-further) study.
3. "Before we go any (farther-further)," he panted, "can I get you to sign this consent form?"
4. The (farther-further) I drove the more convinced I became that my GPS was on mushrooms.
5. Is it (farther-further) to Barstow or to San Bernadino from here?
If you chose farther for numbers 1, 4, and 5, you needn't go underground or hire a food taster. If you made other choices, your life isn't worth a split infinitive, you pork-eating infidel dog.
The confusion regarding farther and further is rooted in the fact that both words want to be the comparative form of far. Therefore, they split the difference without resorting to fatwas or jihad. Farther gets the call if some measurable physical distance is concerned. Further is preferred when the distance in question can be measured in time or amount.
Got that, boys and girls? For your sake, I hope so.
Until we meet again, remember, you are all Charlie Hebdo.
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.