postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
This website will not help you to "get through" anything
during the current not-soon-to-be-over pandemic
it won't "get you through" Thanksgiving
or missing your granny's funeral
or any of the other shit
you ought to be able to "get through" on your own, Skippy
This message brought to you by the Alt-Right's favorite satire site
Home   Ass Hats   Celebrities   Music   News   Religion   Sports   Technology   Weed   Our Staff  

drunken young woman passed out after pissing herselfSTAFF PICKS
This week's staff picks, selected especially for you by Kristi Burlinson, our editorial intern majoring in Gender Reassignment studies at Brown University, include ...

(1) a token BLM article, Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars;
(2) an exclusive report on The Divorce Between Yin and Yang;
(3) The Oldest Living Article currently in our database.


Search This Site

The Book of Daze℠
image of a calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes

The Grammar Prick
image
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

Willie Nelson Avoids Jail After Policeman Can't Remember Bust
Apr 25, 2007 - 9:01
an image

ST. MARTINVILLE, La. - Willie Nelson avoided jail when the policeman who had cited him for possession of marijuana and hallucinogenic mushrooms last September 18 told a judge yesterday that he "had no recollection" of the incident.

"Yer honor, I cain't say as I ever seen this man before," said the policeman, who was placed on administrative leave in January for being chronically late for work since the incident. When he was shown a copy of the report he had filed the day he had cited Mr. Nelson, the officer said, "That don't look like my handwriting."

As a grinning Mr. Nelson flashed the peace sign at his sister Bobbie, who had also been charged in the affair, State District Judge Saul deLahy banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed."

According to documents obtained by THEM Weekly, Mr. Nelson's bus was stopped on State Route 10 near Lafayette, Louisiana, by the officer, whose name is being withheld. He had become suspicious because the bus was traveling at 34 miles per hour, 6 miles per hour under the minimum speed limit.

In his report the officer complained of becoming "disorientated" as he approached Mr. Nelson's bus. "Then somebody opened the door to the vehicle and this big cloud of smoke come rolling out. As soon as I inhaled, I began to cough and gag."

Because of the large volume of smoke and a sudden fit of the giggles, the officer was not able to ascertain who, if anyone, had been driving the bus. He found two men—Tony Sizemore, 59 of St. Cloud, Florida, and David Anderson, 50, of Dallas, Texas—slumped at a breakfast nook, a half-eaten carton of Little Debbie Pecan Spinwheels between them.

Have crime stories always interested you?

Do you have a desire for
learning
as much as you can about law or crime and punishment?

Many successful lawyers and paralegals started their educational careers through online paralegal school, and many are currently taking the steps.

By obtaining an online
paralegal certificate
from established paralegal schools, you can help achieve your goals.

Make a difference. Instead of always reading the arrest stories, be apart of them. So consider the educational resources available at National Paralegal!
When he investigated the source of loud music coming from a room at the rear of the bus, the officer found Mr. Nelson, 73, of Spicewood, Texas, his sister Bobbie Nelson, 75, of Briarcliff, Texas, and Gates Moore, 54, of Austin, Texas, listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while watching an old black-and-white version of The Wizard of Oz with the sound turned off. A large hubcap filled with marijuana was sitting in plain view on a coffee table in the room, next to a solar-powered vaporizer and a package of rolling papers with President Bush's picture and the words "Mission Accomplished" on each leaf.

After radioing for assistance and waiting for "what seemed like the longest time," the officer finally completed a search of the vehicle, turning up 1.56 pounds of marijuana, 3 ounces of hallucinogenic mushrooms, and the Timothy Leary Mushroom Cookbook.

The quantity of drugs found on the bus was large enough to merit a felony charge of distribution if they had been found in one person's possession, but all five persons on the bus swore the drugs were theirs—and the drugs were not packaged for resale—therefore each person was charged with misdemeanors and then released.

"I would have hid that shit," Mr. Nelson told fans who had gathered outside the courtroom yesterday, "but I thought the cop was one of the Village People."



In related news, Harold "Ace" Martin, district attorney for St. Martinville, said that even though Mr. Nelson had avoided criminal prosecution, the wife of the memory-impaired officer may still file a civil suit against Mr. Nelson, whom she holds responsible for her husband's failure to remember their anniversary and their youngest son's birthday.
Humor Feed Banner
Red Bull Logo

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.


bunch of pugs looking out the back of a van
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

Daily Local News image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
an image
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti smoking a funny cigarette
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.