Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Willie Nelson Avoids Jail After Policeman Can't Remember Bust
        Apr 25, 2007 - 9:01
an image
ST. MARTINVILLE, La. - Willie Nelson avoided jail when the policeman who had cited him for possession of marijuana and hallucinogenic mushrooms last September 18 told a judge yesterday that he "had no recollection" of the incident.

"Yer honor, I cain't say as I ever seen this man before," said the policeman, who was placed on administrative leave in January for being chronically late for work since the incident. When he was shown a copy of the report he had filed the day he had cited Mr. Nelson, the officer said, "That don't look like my handwriting."

As a grinning Mr. Nelson flashed the peace sign at his sister Bobbie, who had also been charged in the affair, State District Judge Saul deLahy banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed."

According to documents obtained by THEM Weekly, Mr. Nelson's bus was stopped on State Route 10 near Lafayette, Louisiana, by the officer, whose name is being withheld. He had become suspicious because the bus was traveling at 34 miles per hour, 6 miles per hour under the minimum speed limit.

In his report the officer complained of becoming "disorientated" as he approached Mr. Nelson's bus. "Then somebody opened the door to the vehicle and this big cloud of smoke come rolling out. As soon as I inhaled, I began to cough and gag."

Because of the large volume of smoke and a sudden fit of the giggles, the officer was not able to ascertain who, if anyone, had been driving the bus. He found two men—Tony Sizemore, 59 of St. Cloud, Florida, and David Anderson, 50, of Dallas, Texas—slumped at a breakfast nook, a half-eaten carton of Little Debbie Pecan Spinwheels between them.

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When he investigated the source of loud music coming from a room at the rear of the bus, the officer found Mr. Nelson, 73, of Spicewood, Texas, his sister Bobbie Nelson, 75, of Briarcliff, Texas, and Gates Moore, 54, of Austin, Texas, listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while watching an old black-and-white version of The Wizard of Oz with the sound turned off. A large hubcap filled with marijuana was sitting in plain view on a coffee table in the room, next to a solar-powered vaporizer and a package of rolling papers with President Bush's picture and the words "Mission Accomplished" on each leaf.

After radioing for assistance and waiting for "what seemed like the longest time," the officer finally completed a search of the vehicle, turning up 1.56 pounds of marijuana, 3 ounces of hallucinogenic mushrooms, and the Timothy Leary Mushroom Cookbook.

The quantity of drugs found on the bus was large enough to merit a felony charge of distribution if they had been found in one person's possession, but all five persons on the bus swore the drugs were theirs—and the drugs were not packaged for resale—therefore each person was charged with misdemeanors and then released.

"I would have hid that shit," Mr. Nelson told fans who had gathered outside the courtroom yesterday, "but I thought the cop was one of the Village People."

In related news, Harold "Ace" Martin, district attorney for St. Martinville, said that even though Mr. Nelson had avoided criminal prosecution, the wife of the memory-impaired officer may still file a civil suit against Mr. Nelson, whom she holds responsible for her husband's failure to remember their anniversary and their youngest son's birthday.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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