Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
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image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Paris Hilton Exclusive Jail Sentence Interview
        May 5, 2007 - 10:44
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LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in a county jail for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.

The twenty-six-year-old celebutant, who showed up fifteen minutes late for her scheduled court appearance yesterday, has until June 5 to report to the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California.

After spending two hours in court, and hearing herself called "a helpless, wonky-eyed twit" by her own defense attorney, Ms. Hilton was driven to an undisclosed location where she spoke with Postcards' legal correspondent Biff Scuzzy, who had recently completed a thirty-day stint in a California detox center.

Biff Scuzzy: So, Paris, are you worried about the prospect of wearing nothing but orange for a month and a half?
Paris Hilton: Month and a half? I thought I was sentenced to forty-five days. I'm being prostituted just for being famous, aren't I?

BS: No, darling. A month and a half is the same as forty-five days.
PH: It is? How do you figure that? I never did get that metric stuff.

BS: Trust me. Now about the orange.
PH: What orange?

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BS: The orange jumpsuit.
PH: What jumpsuit?

BS: The one you have to wear all the time in jail.
PH: All the time? I never wear the same thing more than twice. How do they expect me to live like that?

BS: It's jail, darling. Not Club Ivy. You have to wear what they give you, and what they give you is an orange jumpsuit.
PH: You mean I don't get to take my own clothes? I was going to go shopping for some new summer things to take to, you know, wherever it is I'm going. Some nice two-piece outfits and three or four dozen summer dresses.

BS: Save your money, honey. The clothes are on the Hotel California.
PH: Oh. Bummer. I do look hot in orange though. I have a lot of orange in my closets. Bikinis, thongs, blouses.

BS: Are you worried about the way you'll be treated by the other inmates?
PH: What are inmates?

BS: The other people in jail.
PH: Oh no. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine. They can help me decorate my room. We can have sleepovers at night, and during the day we can go shopping online and get high colonics and stuff.

BS: Paris, I don't know how to break this to you, but jail doesn't provide high colonics.
PH: They don't? How do they stay healthy? What if I get a note from my doctor?

BS: No dice, sister. The only high colonic you might get will be from some diesel dyke wielding a bottle of Poland Springs water. I'd forget about having my own room, too, if I were you.
PH: I won't have my own room?

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BS: No. You'll have to share a cell with another woman.
PH: A cell phone? What other woman? My cell phone got hacked once, you know.

BS: A cell is a small enclosure about ten by twelve feet. That's where you live when you're not scrubbing dishes or mopping floors. The other woman is a person who has also been put in jail for breaking the law.
PH: Oh. Ten by twelve isn't very big. My sunglasses closets are bigger than that. Can't I pay for an upgrade or something? Hospitals have private rooms.

BS: Afraid not, sweetpea.
PH: Do I get to pick my roommate at least?

BS: (growing irritated) Nope.
PH: But what if I get somebody, you know, really gross, like that trailer-trash Britney Spears?

BS: You want to be careful about using terms like "trailer trash" in prison.
PH: Why? Are there, like, lots of poor people or something?

BS: More than you can shake a stick at—or that will be shaking sticks at you. There are also lots of people of color.
PH: That's OK. I get along well with all my maids and servants, and most of them are colored people.

BS: (exasperatedly) It's people of color, Paris, not colored people. You want to get that straight. It's important.
PH: Oh damn. That's a lot to have to learn just because nobody told me I couldn't drive with a suspended license. What am I gonna do?

BS: I'd suggest prayer, honey. Lots of prayer.
    testing text

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