Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
        May 15, 2005 - 11:03
an image
NEW YORK - "American Beauty" star Mena Suvari has filed for a legal separation from "Mighty Aphrodite" star and Oscar-winning actress Mira Sorvino, hoping to end what Suvari describes as "six years of confusion, uncertainty, and identity crisis" brought on by the annoying similarity between their names.

In what promises to be a long and complex proceeding, Suvari, 26, is demanding that Sorvino, 37, change her first name to anything with an odd number of syllables that does not begin with the letters M or N. Suvari is also demanding that the change be made retroactive to the start of Sorvino's acting career.

"I'm tired of people coming up to me in restaurants and quoting lines from 'Romy and Michele's High School Reunion,'" said Suvari while lunching on radicchio and lemon juice at a Greenwich Village Cafe. "What's even worse is when somebody says they thought I should have had a bigger part in 'Beautiful Girls.' People have even begun asking me how I like being a mother."

Suvari, of course, did not star in "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion"; she appeared in "American Beauty," not "Beautiful Girls'; and she didn't have a baby recently. Try telling that, however, to the nine people out of ten who couldn't tell her from Sorvino in a recent New York Times poll.

"Mina Sorvano?" asked one respondent. "Didn't she play Chris Kline's girlfriend in 'American Pie'?"

Told that Kline's girlfriend was played by Mena Suvari, the respondent said, "I thought she was the one who got the Oscar for 'Mighty Aphrodite.' I get them so confused."

Mira Sorvino declined to comment on Suvari's legal action, but Paul Sorvino, Mira's father, branded the suit frivolous and self-serving.

"My daughter's taller by nearly half a foot; she's Harvard educated; and she's better looking than Mena Suvari. Nine years ago Mira was on People magazine's list of the fifty most beautiful people in the world. If you ask me, this lawsuit is all about publicity and using Mira Sorvino's name to advance Mena Suvari's career."

No matter what the merits of the case, legal scholars such as Judge Judy believe that whoever presides at the hearing will rely on two psychometric scales: Google Duel and Celebrity Ranker, both of which are the creations of Geoff Peters. According to Google Duel, which reports the number of times two persons' names are mentioned on websites searched by Google, Mena Suvari (144,000 hits) is far more "popular" than Mira Sorvino (61,300 hits.)

"That would seem to indicate that Mena Whats-her-name hasn't been materially harmed by the fact that people can't tell her from Mira Whosis," Judge Judy observed.

The legal picture becomes murkier when the actresses' popularity ratings are considered. Suvari rated 4.694 on a scale of 7 on the Celebrity Ranker, which like everything else on the Internet is Google based. Sorvino rated 4.597.

"This tell's me you've got two rather evenly matched people here with ho-hum visibility; not exactly household names," said Judge Judy. "Maybe that Myna woman's got a case after all."

In related news, actor Timothy Bottoms said he is watching this case carefully, and if Mena Suvari succeeds in obtain a separation from Mira Sorvino, he (Bottoms) will file for a similar separation from actor Tim Robbins.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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