postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004


Welcome to the Alt-Middle's favorite satire site
What sort of fool brings a knife to a gun fight?
Election 2020: a never was vs. a never should be...make your vote count, don't vote, it's a mope's game
“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” (Winston Churchill)
Let's defund the parking meter police
What doesn't kill you will weaken you
So how does felt experience arise out of non-sentient matter, anyway?
"Che stronzi sono le persone." (T. Soprano)


image of an 8 ball Home   Ass Hats   Celebrities   Lifestyle   Music   News   Religion   Sports   Technology   Weed   Our Staff   image of an 8 ball
Search This Site

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
image of bicyclist
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

The Book of Daze℠
an image
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope
an image of a man smoking pot
Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Your love of Calypso's Grape Fizz live resin carts conspire to produce a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life. Whenever you vape it up, dandruff shampoo turns you into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication makes you hack and sputter like a flooded outboard motor. Deodorant produces a rancid, road-kill aroma about your personal zones. I'd lay off the Beano, contraceptive devices, and hemorrhoid preparations if I were you. More Ganjascopes

The Grammar Prick
image
Meaner than a dried-up, old-biddy Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


Postcards the Book
an image
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


You Can't Photoshop This image
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Fuck It List
     image of a big thumb pointing down         image of a big thumb pointing down

Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Organized Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Making Sure Your Zipper's Up
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Apologizing for Shit You Didn't Do
  7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
  8. Hauling Your Damn Grandkids Around
  9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly

Jeremy Piven Is Local Bank Teller's Inspiration
Jul 9, 2006 - 9:00
an image
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Jeremy Piven, who has played sidekicks and eccentrics in more than three dozen films during the last twenty years, is the inspiration of Richard Dean, 23, a teller at First National Bank of West Chester.

When he was interviewed for the current edition of the bank's monthly newsletter, First National News, Mr. Dean told the lifestyle editor that he owes his job satisfaction to Mr. Piven's influence.

"A lot of people want to be the star of the movie," said Mr. Dean, who wears his hair short like Mr. Piven, "but watching Jeremy play the star's buddy in film after film made me realize there's a place in the world for people who want the safety of a supporting role."

According to Mr. Dean, he became aware of Jeremy Piven about seven years ago.

"That was back in high school," said Mr. Dean. "I was watching a lot of cable TV in my parents' basement at the time. I kept seeing this same guy in all these movies: Grosse Pointe Blank, Very Bad Things, Phoenix, Judgment Night, a television movie about Don King, lots of stuff. He was never the star, but he didn't have too many lines to learn; and if the movie tanked, nobody blamed him. That looked like a sweet gig to me."

Mr. Dean admits that before he discovered Jeremy Piven, he didn't have much direction. He figured that after he had graduated from high school, he'd put in an application "at Kmart or something," yet after seeing the "awesome job" Mr. Piven did as John Cusack's best friend in Serendipity, Mr. Dean was inspired.

"I decided to study bookkeeping at a local community college," said Mr. Dean. "They accept everybody, so I didn't have any trouble getting in; and the course work wasn't too strenuous, so I didn't have any trouble getting a degree."

In addition to studying bookkeeping, Mr. Dean continued to follow Jeremy Piven's career, which included small but noteworthy turns in 2001's Rush Hour 2 and 2002's Highway, followed by supporting roles in 2003's Scary Movie 3, Old School, and Runaway Jury. The more Mr. Dean watched Mr. Piven, the more Mr. Dean began to resemble his idol. He even adopted Mr. Piven's wiseacre persona.

an image
"Richard's got a great sense of humor," said fellow teller Cindy Newkirk. "He keeps everyone in the employees lounge in stitches, and he manages to blend in no matter what the setting."

What's more, like many of the characters Jeremy Piven plays, Mr. Dean doesn't mind if other guys get the promotions and the really hot girls. He says he's happy being a teller and has no plans to apply for the head teller's slot if it becomes available. He also claims he doesn't mind that his best friend from high school, with whom Mr. Dean "still hangs out," makes more money than he does, is better looking, and drives a BMW Z4.

"He attracts a lot of chicks," said Mr. Dean, "but they can't all go home with him, and I don't mind getting the spillage. There's always somebody happy to be with a clean-cut guy who can make her laugh."

When the August edition of First National News is published on July 26, Richard Dean won't be at work to see it. July 26 is Jeremy Piven's birthday, and Mr. Dean observes the occasion each year by taking a personal day so he can watch Mr. Piven's movies. This year he plans to review episodes of Entourage, the current HBO series in which Mr. Piven plays superagent Ari Gold.

Mr. Dean allowed that the Emmy and the two Golden Globe nominations Mr. Piven earned for his work in Entourage are troublesome.

"It just wouldn't be the same if Jeremy began starring in motion pictures," Mr. Dean said. "He tried that in (1997's) Just Write, and he didn't seem as comfortable. I don't want to seem disloyal or anything, but I was glad he didn't win those awards. Besides, not winning was so Jeremy."

Asked what he would do if Mr. Piven became an A-list actor, Mr. Dean was at a loss for words. Eventually he replied, "Start renting Owen Wilson movies," I guess.

In other news, the Guiness Book of Records has certified that Lindsay Lohan now holds the record for the longest birthday party. Ms. Lohan, who turned twenty on July 2, celebrated at and around a Malibu beach house for five days, sixteen hours, and twenty-seven minutes, breaking the old record, set last year by Tara Reid, by three hours and fifteen minutes.
Humor Feed Banner
Red Bull Logo

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.



Share The
Pug Bus

Daily Local News image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a stupid local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
hillary's basket of deplorables
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti smoking a funny cigarette
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.



Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby
Discordianism--the one religion to have if you're having more than one—or or if you're having none at all.

High Times--wanna know what Super Silver Haze is going for near you? Wanna wade your way through a growing shit heap of trendy, female-empowered, social warrior nonsense to find out?

Pirate Bay--indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop

Soulseek--no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free. To hell with those overpriced streaming services. As the Buddha says, "Stream your own shit, mother-fucker."

Spectrum Labs-need to pass a piss test?

Vaults of Erowid-before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort

ExpressVPN--sturdy, impregnable fortress. It's the VPN service that we here at the Pug Bus use. Don't go digital shoplifting without it.