Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Kobe the Girl Dad
died one year ago today
Kobe the Black Mamba
died long before that
he was the Kobe we admired for so long
girl dads are a dime a dozen
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Jeremy Piven Is Local Bank Teller's Inspiration
        Jul 9, 2006 - 9:00
       
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WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Jeremy Piven, who has played sidekicks and eccentrics in more than three dozen films during the last twenty years, is the inspiration of Richard Dean, 23, a teller at First National Bank of West Chester.

When he was interviewed for the current edition of the bank's monthly newsletter, First National News, Mr. Dean told the lifestyle editor that he owes his job satisfaction to Mr. Piven's influence.

"A lot of people want to be the star of the movie," said Mr. Dean, who wears his hair short like Mr. Piven, "but watching Jeremy play the star's buddy in film after film made me realize there's a place in the world for people who want the safety of a supporting role."

According to Mr. Dean, he became aware of Jeremy Piven about seven years ago.

"That was back in high school," said Mr. Dean. "I was watching a lot of cable TV in my parents' basement at the time. I kept seeing this same guy in all these movies: Grosse Pointe Blank, Very Bad Things, Phoenix, Judgment Night, a television movie about Don King, lots of stuff. He was never the star, but he didn't have too many lines to learn; and if the movie tanked, nobody blamed him. That looked like a sweet gig to me."

Mr. Dean admits that before he discovered Jeremy Piven, he didn't have much direction. He figured that after he had graduated from high school, he'd put in an application "at Kmart or something," yet after seeing the "awesome job" Mr. Piven did as John Cusack's best friend in Serendipity, Mr. Dean was inspired.

"I decided to study bookkeeping at a local community college," said Mr. Dean. "They accept everybody, so I didn't have any trouble getting in; and the course work wasn't too strenuous, so I didn't have any trouble getting a degree."

In addition to studying bookkeeping, Mr. Dean continued to follow Jeremy Piven's career, which included small but noteworthy turns in 2001's Rush Hour 2 and 2002's Highway, followed by supporting roles in 2003's Scary Movie 3, Old School, and Runaway Jury. The more Mr. Dean watched Mr. Piven, the more Mr. Dean began to resemble his idol. He even adopted Mr. Piven's wiseacre persona.

       
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"Richard's got a great sense of humor," said fellow teller Cindy Newkirk. "He keeps everyone in the employees lounge in stitches, and he manages to blend in no matter what the setting."

What's more, like many of the characters Jeremy Piven plays, Mr. Dean doesn't mind if other guys get the promotions and the really hot girls. He says he's happy being a teller and has no plans to apply for the head teller's slot if it becomes available. He also claims he doesn't mind that his best friend from high school, with whom Mr. Dean "still hangs out," makes more money than he does, is better looking, and drives a BMW Z4.

"He attracts a lot of chicks," said Mr. Dean, "but they can't all go home with him, and I don't mind getting the spillage. There's always somebody happy to be with a clean-cut guy who can make her laugh."

When the August edition of First National News is published on July 26, Richard Dean won't be at work to see it. July 26 is Jeremy Piven's birthday, and Mr. Dean observes the occasion each year by taking a personal day so he can watch Mr. Piven's movies. This year he plans to review episodes of Entourage, the current HBO series in which Mr. Piven plays superagent Ari Gold.

Mr. Dean allowed that the Emmy and the two Golden Globe nominations Mr. Piven earned for his work in Entourage are troublesome.

"It just wouldn't be the same if Jeremy began starring in motion pictures," Mr. Dean said. "He tried that in (1997's) Just Write, and he didn't seem as comfortable. I don't want to seem disloyal or anything, but I was glad he didn't win those awards. Besides, not winning was so Jeremy."

Asked what he would do if Mr. Piven became an A-list actor, Mr. Dean was at a loss for words. Eventually he replied, "Start renting Owen Wilson movies," I guess.

In other news, the Guiness Book of Records has certified that Lindsay Lohan now holds the record for the longest birthday party. Ms. Lohan, who turned twenty on July 2, celebrated at and around a Malibu beach house for five days, sixteen hours, and twenty-seven minutes, breaking the old record, set last year by Tara Reid, by three hours and fifteen minutes.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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