Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
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two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Tom Cruise Fingered for Turning the Other Cheek
        Jul 15, 2011 - 8:37
       
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DETROIT - After weeks of speculation regarding the cause for Katie Holmes' sudden departure from her marriage to Tom Cruise, details have recently surfaced that shed light on this mystery.

"Tom has bravely checked himself into a residential treatment center to deal with a long-time addiction with which he has been struggling," reported Holmes' attorney, Sheldon Weinberg.

"The problem began with a routine physical exam after Mr. Cruise had turned fifty," said family physician, Dr. Dan Henderson.

"In the ensuing weeks he returned for more and more digital prostate exams. Initially, I suspected that he might have a phobia of prostate cancer and was being overly cautious. However, after he kept returning, I began to have the sickening suspicion that Mr. Cruise was, in fact, obsessed with the exam itself."

Dr. Henderson's suspicion was confirmed when he saw Cruise on a late-night talk show.

"When I saw Tom do that fake laugh, the one where he shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, I realized it was the same face he pulled during the digital exam. Frankly, it gave me the creeps. I had to cut him off after that."

"Tom began 'doctor shopping' after his primary doctor had cut him off," said attorney Weinberg. "He saw hundreds of physicians across the U.S., Canada, and Europe in order to satisfy his addiction."

Grimacing, he continued, "He particularly favored the French physicians because of their proclivity toward taking temperatures 'the old-fashioned way.'

"After Katie walked in on Tom performing an awkward self-exam in the shower, she questioned what kind of a father and role model he'd be for Suri going forward. That was when she decided to leave the marriage and Tom, literally, hit bottom."

       
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Cruise is reportedly undergoing withdrawal at Stone Hawk Scientology Treatment Center near Detroit. His treatment counselor, Dr. Robert Hubert, provided the following explanation of Cruise's addiction.

"Mr. Cruise suffers from Podexis Inritophilia (PI), an addiction to anal stimulation. While the cause of this condition is unknown, it does seem to manifest itself in diminutive, hyper-masculine subjects such as Mr. Cruise. But frankly, I've never seen of a case of PI more acute and potentially debilitating than his."

Dr. Hubert explained that Scientology promotes detoxification as the primary mode of any addiction treatment, "but even though colonic-irrigation therapy is most often applied, we're foregoing it in favor of vitamin therapy because we don't want to risk cross-addiction in Tom's case. Frankly, he faces a long and winding road. He will most likely struggle with this disease for the remainder of his life. I wish him the very best."

Dr. Hubert offered a final insight.

"Tom basically sabotaged the marriage. His preoccupation with Scientology probably played a role along with his diagnoses of PI. There are a number of factors as to why Tom wasn't happy in the marriage, but basically it boils down to the fact that, well, Katie Holmes isn't a dude."
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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