Postcards from the Pug Bus                
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
The Pug Bus has moved. We'll still be the profane, pot-smoking bastards we always have been, but now you'll have to find us at pugbus.org if you want to waste your time on this sort of shit. We've been at this address for eighteen years. We wish we could say that it was real, but it wasn't, it was fucking satire after all.
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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our fearless editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the festering evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; his hatred of soccer moms; and a whole lot more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

The Fuck It List

Ten Things You Should Quit Doing While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Organized Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Making Sure Your Zipper's Up
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Apologizing
  7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
  8. Hauling the Grandkids Around
  9. Stupid-Ass, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  President Bush Offends Visitors with Aristocrats Joke
        Aug 28, 2005 - 11:07
        CRAWFORD, Texas - President George W.Bush horrified a group of conservative pro-war activists at a private barbeque on his Crawford, Texas, ranch yesterday when he told The Aristocrats joke during a game of horseshoes.

Widely touted as the filthiest joke in history, The Aristocrats is the subject of a recently released documentary film directed by Paul Provenza with an assist from Penn Jillette, the member of Penn and Teller who talks. According to a source close to the Texas White House, Bush saw The Aristocrats movie with Karl Rove, Tom DeLay, and several other top- ranking Republicans at the president's ranch Friday night.

"The president laughed so hard I thought he was going to choke," said the source. "He and Karl Rove stayed up for hours after the screening, seeing who could make up the most offensive version of the joke.

The Aristocrats begins with a man walking into a talent agent's office and saying, "I've got this great new act I think you're going to love."

The talent agent asks the man to describe the act, and the man begins, "First my wife and I walk out on stage. We take off our clothes. We start to have sex . . .." The man then continues to describe in the vilest language imaginable acts of incest, bestiality, elimination, sodomy, and the like, involving not only the man and his wife but also their two children, the family dog, and, in some variations of the joke, one or more of the couple's parents. When the man finally stops, the agent says, "That's an unusual act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The Aristocrats," the man replies.

Although President Bush showed more enthusiasm over The Aristocrats than he had in any movie since Gigli, his aides didn't realize what a profound impression the movie had made on him until it was too late. As he was hosting a group of pro-war demonstrators who had traveled to Crawford to lend their voices to the backlash Republicans have been orchestrating against Peace Mom Cindy Sheehan, the president suddenly said, "I just heard this great joke. There was this guy who walked into a talent agent's office . . .."

While his guests stood by amazed, President Bush told a three-minute version of The Aristocrats that began with Cindy Sheehan and John Kerry walking out on stage. By the time Bush was finished, Sheehan and Kerry had been joined by her living son, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, his dog, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, Ted Kennedy, and a number of Bush's other political rivals and their families. In the president's version of the joke, when the talent agent asked the man what the act was called, the man replied, "The Democrats."

President Bush was chuckling so much as he told the joke that he didn't realize no one was laughing and that several women in the group had begun to cry.

"I've never been so shocked in all my life," said Jo Anne Mavis of Ames, Iowa, whose son was killed in Iraq earlier this year. "I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, I don't care for Hillary Clinton, but to accuse her of [raping] her own daughter was just too much."

"That man ought to be on some kind of medication," said Howard "Bud" Weiser, a Vietnam veteran from Boone, Kentucky. "I spend a lot of time in the VFW, and, frankly, if somebody started talking like that, we'd ask him to leave."

The White House issued a brief statement after the visiting activists had cut short their stay on the president's ranch.

"The president regrets that some of our guests didn't share his sense of humor. He didn't intend to offend anyone, and he thought the guests would understand that he was simply making those stories up."

In other news, somebody busted a cap in rap mogul Marion "Suge" Knight's ass at a party last night in Miami. Knight, who is expected to recover the full use of his injured buttock, said the incident would not deter him from using the "bust a cap" expression in any music with which he is associated in the future.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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