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drunken young woman passed out after pissing herselfSTAFF PICKS
This week's staff picks, selected especially for you by Kristi Burlinson, our editorial intern majoring in Gender Reassignment studies at Brown University, include ...

(1) a token BLM article, Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars;
(2) an exclusive report on The Divorce Between Yin and Yang;
(3) The Oldest Living Article currently in our database.


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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes

The Grammar Prick
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Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

Paul McCartney Drops Boob Visitation Request
Oct 22, 2007 - 2:32
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LONDON - Paul McCartney is so keen to be shed of Heather Mills that he has dropped his request for joint custodial oversight of Ms. Mills' breasts and a generous, unsupervised visitation schedule.

"My client is prepared to quit his claims of alienation of affection and emotional deprivation if that will help to put paid to this unfortunate marriage," said Mr. McCartney's chief solicitor, Fiona Shackleton. One of Britain's most feared divorce lawyers, Ms. Shackleton is a senior partner at Payne Hicks Beach, the firm that represented Prince Charles in his 1996 divorce from Princess Diana and her royal box.

Anthony Julius, one of the attorneys for Ms. Mills, scoffed at Mr. McCartney's "sudden willingness" to withdraw his request for joint custodial oversight of Ms. Mills' breasts.

"This is yet another manifestation of Mr. McCartney's delusional sense of entitlement," said Mr. Julius, who is a member of law firm that wrested a £17-million settlement from Prince Charles.

The chief sticking point in what the tabloids have been calling Hootergate is the size of the breasts in contention. Mr. McCartney's suit described the breasts as "virtually irreplaceable—milky white, pleasingly formed, pendulous without being saggy, and roughly 38-DD in volume."

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"Sounds as if Sir Paul's been smoking the twisted cigarettes again," laughed Mr. Julius. "My client measures no more than 36-C." Mr. Julius did grudgingly admit, however, that Mr. McCartney had gotten the "milky white, pleasingly formed bits" correct.

Nonetheless, Mr. Julius was amused by Mr. McCartney's request for unsupervised visitation privileges.

"In consideration of my client's allegations of physical abuse, she'd have to be crackers to allow her breasts to spend time alone with her estranged husband."

Friends of Mr. McCartney's and Ms. Mills' have, predictably, chosen sides in this matter.

"He's being something of a hypocrite," said Juliet Gellatley, founder of the animal rights charity Viva. "How can he accuse Heather of unreasonable behaviour after writing all those songs about her?"

The songs to which Ms. Gellatley referred can be found on Driving Rain and Chaos and Creation in the Backyard. The odes to Heather on these albums, particularly the execrable "Jenny Wren," make Mr. McCartney's lame musical tributes to his previous wife, Linda Eastman, seem like the work of Shelly by comparison.

Musician Jeff Lynne, a former member of The Traveling Wilburys, said he wasn't surprised that Mr. McCartney no longer has a proprietary interest in his wife's hooters.

"Paul's been so over those puppies ever since he began seeing Renee Zellweger," laughed Mr. Lynne. "Renee's got globes that just won't quit. Ask Damien Rice, Jack White, or Kenny Chesney if you don't believe me."



In related news, Heather Mills McCartney has charged that her estranged husband's vegetarianism is "a sham." The one-time stripper and lap dancer maintains that Sir Paul, as he insisted she call him, "fancied eating steak and kidney pie off my bare arse when he was stoned, which generally coincided with his being awake."
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.