Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
Clay Aiken Birthday Quiz, Exclusive Nov 30, 2007 - 2:00
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Clay Aiken, who rode a second-place finish on American Idol and a don't-ask-don't-tell sexuality to fame, fortune, and speculation, is twenty-nine today. The artist formerly known as Clayton Holmes Grissom will spend the day counting his blessings with "a special friend or two."
Meanwhile, Mr. Aiken's rabid fans, his Claymates, will celebrate this event by flagellating themselves into an orgiastic frenzy, burning the singer's image into their flesh, and water boarding any nonbelievers they happen to encounter.
For those of you who love Mr. Aiken, but not in that way, we present the following Clay Aiken birthday quiz as an alternate means of saluting the weedy little git on his special day.
1. Clay Aiken was born in . . . a) denial, b) a cross-fire hurricane, c) North Carolina, d) a test tube.
2. In addition to his CDs Clay Aiken has written . . . a) a cookbook, b) a dating guide, c) several embarrassing letters to Tom Cruise, d) an illustrated history of man purses.
3. Three years ago Clay Aiken produced a television special about . . . a) Christmas, b) the Man Boy Love Association, c) Boys Town, d) his imaginary friend, Buster.
4. In 2005 Clay Aiken was honored with an ambassadorship from . . . a) Lapland, b) President Bush, c) the Man Boy Love Association, d) UNICEF.
5. The Bubel/Aiken Foundation was created to help persons with . . . a) intellectual disabilities, b) no sense of shame, c) bad hair, d) irritable bowel syndrome.
6. When he is excited, Clay Aiken speaks . . . a) quickly, b) in a piercing falsetto, c) out of the left side of his mouth, d) out his ass.
7. Clay Aiken's fourth annual Christmas concert will be called . . . a) "Christmas in the Hardland," b) "A Clay in a Manger," c) "Santa's Super Sleigh," d) "I Saw Mommy Kissing Mrs. Claus."
8. Following his Christmas tour, Mr. Aiken will appear . . . in . . .. a) on Howard Stern's show . . . a tutu, b) naked . . . a remake of Tommy, c) on Broadway . . . Spamalot, d) before a grand jury . . . Aruba.
9. The term "Claymates" is . . . a) trademarked, b) banned in Muslim countries, c) code for "butt sniffers," d) too precious for words.
10. In the accompanying photograph Clay Aiken is . . . a) about to pee himself, b) caught wearing his mother's makeup again, c) being booked for soliciting, d) fit to be untied.
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.