Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
Clay Aiken Birthday Quiz, Exclusive Nov 30, 2007 - 2:00
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Clay Aiken, who rode a second-place finish on American Idol and a don't-ask-don't-tell sexuality to fame, fortune, and speculation, is twenty-nine today. The artist formerly known as Clayton Holmes Grissom will spend the day counting his blessings with "a special friend or two."
Meanwhile, Mr. Aiken's rabid fans, his Claymates, will celebrate this event by flagellating themselves into an orgiastic frenzy, burning the singer's image into their flesh, and water boarding any nonbelievers they happen to encounter.
For those of you who love Mr. Aiken, but not in that way, we present the following Clay Aiken birthday quiz as an alternate means of saluting the weedy little git on his special day.
1. Clay Aiken was born in . . . a) denial, b) a cross-fire hurricane, c) North Carolina, d) a test tube.
2. In addition to his CDs Clay Aiken has written . . . a) a cookbook, b) a dating guide, c) several embarrassing letters to Tom Cruise, d) an illustrated history of man purses.
3. Three years ago Clay Aiken produced a television special about . . . a) Christmas, b) the Man Boy Love Association, c) Boys Town, d) his imaginary friend, Buster.
4. In 2005 Clay Aiken was honored with an ambassadorship from . . . a) Lapland, b) President Bush, c) the Man Boy Love Association, d) UNICEF.
5. The Bubel/Aiken Foundation was created to help persons with . . . a) intellectual disabilities, b) no sense of shame, c) bad hair, d) irritable bowel syndrome.
6. When he is excited, Clay Aiken speaks . . . a) quickly, b) in a piercing falsetto, c) out of the left side of his mouth, d) out his ass.
7. Clay Aiken's fourth annual Christmas concert will be called . . . a) "Christmas in the Hardland," b) "A Clay in a Manger," c) "Santa's Super Sleigh," d) "I Saw Mommy Kissing Mrs. Claus."
8. Following his Christmas tour, Mr. Aiken will appear . . . in . . .. a) on Howard Stern's show . . . a tutu, b) naked . . . a remake of Tommy, c) on Broadway . . . Spamalot, d) before a grand jury . . . Aruba.
9. The term "Claymates" is . . . a) trademarked, b) banned in Muslim countries, c) code for "butt sniffers," d) too precious for words.
10. In the accompanying photograph Clay Aiken is . . . a) about to pee himself, b) caught wearing his mother's makeup again, c) being booked for soliciting, d) fit to be untied.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.