postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Keister Family Tired of Being Butt of Jokes
Dec 10, 2019 - 5:05
The Keisters allege that Mr. Dryzinski's constant ridicule--"he even named his new Doberman Fanny Keister"--has resulted in their "loss of stature in the community." The Keisters are especially concerned about the effects of Dryzinski's "cheap shots" on their children: Lauren and Ron Jr. "Imagine having to explain to your eight-year-old daughter why her classmates are always asking her to play pin the tail on the Keister," said a tearful Mrs. Keister. "Thankfully Ron, Jr., is only two, but I don't want him going through what Lauren has." According to the Keisters, Mr. Dryzinski began harassing them on New Year's Day 2018 when he left a message on their answering machine asking if Ron Keister wanted to come over to watch the toilet bowl on Mr. Dryzinski's 72-inch HDTV. "Since then," said Mr. Keister, an accountant with Toomer and Roth, "Dryzinski hasn't missed an opportunity to tell people that we're addicted to cracks or that our favorite beer is Heiniekin or that our favorite dance is the can-can. He even held a Keister egg hunt for neighborhood children this year. "The final straw came at his Christmas party," said Mr. Keister. "Dryzinski promised not to make fun of us, so we went. Then, as soon as we got there, he said, 'Hey, everybody, the assholes from next door are here.' When I reminded him of his promise, he laughed and said that he had been speaking tongue in cheek." Mr. Dryzinski, a self-employed tattoo artist, reacted to the Keisters' suit with a shrug. "I think they're really making asses of themselves," he deadpanned. "They won't get anywhere giving me the bum's rush. They've got to learn to put their sensitivity behind them." Judd Zimmerman, the attorney representing Mr. Dryzinski, argues that the Keisters "could make this all go away" if they would simply alter the pronunciation of their last name. "I wrote to their lawyer last week, suggesting that his clients pronounce their name so that it rhymes with blister," said Zimmerman. "They refused. They're more interested in salving their wounded pride with my client's money than they are in resolving this issue. That's what's at the bottom of this case." © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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