Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
Britney Spears Joins Drunks Against Mad Mothers Group Dec 3, 2007 - 2:25
LOS ANGELES - After attending several meetings of DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers), Britney Spears has decided to join the group, a former assistant revealed.
In an exclusive, off-the-record conversation with THEM Weekly, the one-time aide said that Ms. Spears has met with the group three or four times "in a couple of clubs near the Sierra Towers," where she has rented an apartment under the name Grace Slyck.
Headquartered somewhere in the Alabama district of Pennsylvania—the part between Philadelphia at one end of the state and Pittsburgh at the other—DAMM of Pennsylvania admits to a "three-fold mission: to get mad mothers to stay at home cooking and cleaning where they belong, to stop people from drinking and driving because they might spill some, and to prevent incidental alcohol abuse such as returning the keg before it's been emptied."
Ms. Spears initially met members of DAMM when she visited Philadelphia two years "to see where Congress lives," only to learn that Philadelphia is not the capital of the United States. Nevertheless she kept in touch with her DAMM friends, and when the drinking-support group opened a satellite branch in L.A., she was happy to lend her presence.
"Britney's real people," laughs Willow, a DAMM of Los Angeles member.
"When she came to the first meeting, she didn't put on any airs. She got right up in front of the group, just like everyone else, and said, 'My name is Britney. Does anybody feel like getting shitfaced?' She wasn't too proud to ask just because she's a star.
"At DAMM we're always here for one another, 24/7," Willow continued. "DAMN means never having to drink alone, ever, unless you want to. I've gotten out of bed at three in the morning and gone to drink with a DAMM member when I should have been going home instead. I think that's the kind of member Britney's going to be."
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.