Postcards from the Pug Bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

The Pug Bus has moved. We'll still be the profane, pot-smoking bastards we always have been, but now you'll have to find us at pugbus.org if you want to waste your time on this sort of shit. We've been at this address for eighteen years. We wish we could say that it was real, but it wasn't, it was fucking satire after all.

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The Book of Daze℠

Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope

A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That

There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall

image of worldwide web on computer screen

The Pug Bus Blogs On

seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised

Our fearless editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the festering evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; his hatred of soccer moms; and a whole lot more!"

Yesterdays' Papers

Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls

No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Pug Bus Interview

image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor

Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

The Fuck It List

Ten Things You Should Quit Doing While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Organized Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Making Sure Your Zipper's Up
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Apologizing
  7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
  8. Hauling the Grandkids Around
  9. Stupid-Ass, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Launches Fashion Line for Fat Women
Dec 10, 2007 - 10:18

LOS ANGELES - Jennifer Love Hewitt, whose butt has more wrinkles than Mick Jagger's face, announced on her website yesterday that she's launching a new line of clothing for oversize women.

Called Orca Fashions, Ms. Love Hewitt's collection is designed to provide comfort clothing for ladies who have spent too much time around comfort food.

"You don't have to be a size 2—or even a size 22—in order to be beautiful," wrote Ms. Love Hewitt. "If you want to improve your self image, no matter how many scales you've flattened, just wade into an Orca bikini and hold your chins up proudly."

Available in basic black only, Orca Fashions bids fair to stand the notion of feminine beauty on its head. For example, instead of being offered in those fussy numerical sizes, Orca Fashions will be designated super petite, triple petite, and sumo petite.

Ms. Love Hewitt, 28, was inspired to launch Orca Fashions after she had been savaged following the publication of photos taken while she was on vacation in Hawaii recently.

"I couldn't believe the hurtful things that were written about me. A size 2 is not fat nor will it ever be."

Ms. Love Hewitt, who last saw a size 2 about the last time she saw her toes while she was standing up, urged "all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist" to stay strong.

In related news, although Orca Fashions will not debut until the spring, celebrities have raced to endorse the concept.

"I think what she's doing is wonderful," said a newly "slim" Kirstie Ally. "I hope she's got a sun suit in super petite."

Added Oprah Winfrey, "I'm looking forward to campaigning for our next president, Barack Obama, in a power suit from Orca Fashions."

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.