Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Keith Richards' Holiday Horoscope℠
        Dec 18, 2019 - 11:30
       
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WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Born December 18, you share a birthday with Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, who is 148 in Smirnoff years. Like Richards', your life is one near-death experience after another punctuated by flashes of insight you cannot remember when you wake up. This holiday season is an excellent time to sooth out the wrinkles with an eggnog bath. You might also try to make peace with that co-worker you've been feuding with for so long.

Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Sagittarius governs the kneecaps, elbows, and spaces between the toes. This may be why Sagittarians report more close encounters of the fourth kind than other people do. Unfortunately, Sagittarians are unable to describe these encounters coherently, especially Keith Richards, who has not spoken coherently since he was nearly electrocuted on stage in Sacramento, California, in 1965.

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): After a routine echo cardiogram detects a chorus of tinny voices inside you singing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus," you become a fixture in the tabloids that menace the checkout lines in supermarkets. In no time your weight begins to increase exponentially because you're condemned to haunting the drive-thru windows of fast food restaurants.

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): Because Aquarians are highly possessive and they mate for life, their ideal partners are other Aquarians. Matter of fact, their ideal partners are themselves. Monocratic unions eliminate worries about infidelity, forgotten anniversaries, and meddlesome in-laws. In addition, marrying yourself means never having to say, "I'd rather sleep alone tonight."

Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): That fruitcake you've been saving since last Christmas may look appealing when the munchies strike, but many of the ingredients in fruitcake are dangerous to all carbon-based life forms. Be especially careful if the sell-by date is more than twenty years away. The cockroaches that will take over the universe after the inevitable nuclear war will have fruitcake crumbs in their fallout shelters.

Aries (3/21 - 4/19): A fine line separates "Behold your glorious future" and "I don't know how to tell you this" on the Martha Stewart Quick-Meals-for-One Astrological Guide. When I spun the Demitasse of Wisdom on your behalf, it landed well over that line. In which direction? I don't know how to tell you this ...

Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): Your attempt to patent yourself meets with failure and ridicule when a panel of scientific experts declares there is nothing original about you. Before seeking prominence in the world, you should work on becoming a household word in your own house. Start tomorrow by wearing a name tag to breakfast.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): If you're considering a career change, don't be afraid to think outside the box; and don't buy into the conventional notion that your sterile, mechanistic personality is a impediment to finding employment. You may be well-qualified, for example, to obtain a position in the newly emerging field of online digital-pet bereavement counseling.

Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): Troubled by crank phone calls you install caller ID, only to learn that the person phoning you at 3 a.m. and reciting obscene limericks in an electronically altered voice is your mother. You left her in a nursing home nine states away, but wait until you find out where she's living.

Leo (7/23 - 8/22): Twenty-four hours in a sweat lodge and a three-day grape purge lead you to suspect that the label codes on the magazines to which you subscribe contain messages from Aztec time travelers. You are convinced of your theory when a representative from Astrologers' Digest calls to tell you that "time is running out."

Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): This is your golden age. It makes the rest of your life seem like cold grits. I would tell you how long this run is going to last, but I forgot to thaw the entrails this morning. Meanwhile, enjoy your incredible luck, heightened sensitivity to pleasure, and the large sum of money you're about to inherit.

Libra (9/23 - 10/23): Car A leaves Seattle at 9:00 a.m. on Monday. Car B leaves Miami at the same moment. Car A, which has a 15-gallon gas tank and averages 19.6 miles per gallon, is driving east. Car B, which has a 17.5-gallon tank and averages 18.9 miles per gallon, is driving north. After three days what color is car B?

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): During the next fortnight your invisible friend, Timbar, is exceedingly playful. Don't leave home without the special, wraparound, 3-D sunglasses that enable you to see him; and just to be safe, give crowded elevators and shopping malls a wide berth. Whatever you do, ignore any stock market advice he might give you.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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