Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Michael Vick Homies Win Ass Hat of the Week Award Dec 18, 2007 - 11:32
NEW YORK - While Michael Vick sits in jail trying to master the intricacies of checkers and the ins and outs of prison dating etiquette, he will surely take comfort in knowing that five of his most loyal homies have won the Ass Hat of the Week Award.
Atlanta Falcons cornerbacks DeAngelo "Bad Newz" Hall and Chris "Pit Bull" Houston, wide receivers Roddy "Choke Chain" White and Joe "Top Dog" Horn, and tight end Alge "Rape Stand" Crumpler were honored for demonstrating their support for Mr. Vick during Atlanta's 34-14 loss to the New Orleans Saints on December 10.
Mr. Hall ran onto the field during pregame introductions waving a poster of Mr. Vick, which he taped to the back of the Falcons' bench, where it remained until a member of the team's public relations department removed it.
Messrs. Hall and Crumpler wore the inscription "MV-7"—Mr. Vick's initials and uniform number—on their eye-black patches during the game.
Such run-of-the-mill demonstrations of "keepin' it real" might not have risen to butthead level, so Messrs. White and Horn decided to screw the pooch, as it were, after Mr. White had scored on a 33-yard touchdown catch in the first quarter of the Falcon's loss. Standing in the end zone, Mr. White pulled up his jersey, with an assist from Mr. Horn, to reveal a T-shirt that read "Free Mike Vick."
"We done it and we'd do it again," said Mr. Houston after the game.
"It's like Common said, 'Why white folk focus on dogs and yoga, while people on the low end tryin' to ball and get ova?'"
Mr. Houston did not indicate whether he and his teammates would be picketing next month's International Yoga Conference, scheduled to be held in Atlanta.
In related news, former Atlanta Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino told Sports Illustrated that his decision to resign following the loss to New Orleans was "a direct result" of his players' support for Michael Vick.
"Have you ever tried to coach a bunch of knuckleheads who are more concerned about some animal abuser than they are with learning the playbook?" asked Mr. Petrino, who is now the head coach at Arkansas.
"After putting up with that shit, the basic, garden variety rape and stereo-equipment theft will seem like child's play."
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The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.