Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Kobe the Girl Dad
died one year ago today
Kobe the Black Mamba
died long before that
he was the Kobe we admired for so long
girl dads are a dime a dozen
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
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two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Bono Accused of Leaking New U2 Album
        Feb 20, 2009 - 10:37
        DUBLIN - U2 frontman, Bono, has been accused by his band mates of leaking the group's new album, No Line on the Horizon, well in advance of its March 3 release date. The charges were leveled as the new album became widely available on BitTorrent and file sharing websites early this week.

"The needy little bugger's done it again," said U2 bassman Adam Clayton. "Every time we make an album he has to go and leak the damn thing because he can't wait for people to hear him sing. What a selfish wanker."

Although Mr. Clayton declined to say how Mr. Bono had arranged the leak, U2 guitarist, The Edge, was not so cautious.

"The little turd's been doing everything he could to leak that sucker," said Mr. Edge. "He's pathetic."

According to Mr. Edge, Mr. Bono first tried to leak No Line on the Horizon last August when he opened the music room windows in his villa in the south of France before blasting four of the album's tracks on his $150,000 home-entertainment system for several hours.

A U2 fan from the Netherlands who was on holiday on the French Riviera heard the songs blaring from Bono's window and recorded them on a mobile phone. The sound quality sucked, and Bono could be heard singing loudly with himself off key, but U2 fans quickly downloaded more than five million copies of the four songs after they had been posted on the Internet.

        His band mates' annoyance with their diminutive, fashion-challenged lead singer is understandable because the band went to great lengths to make sure No Line on the Horizon wasn't leaked, as its predecessor, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, had been.

"Bono claimed he had 'accidentally' left a copy of How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb in a portable toilet on a photo shoot in the south of France," said drummer, Larry Mullen Jr. "By the time he went back to look for the CD the next day, the damn songs were all over the Internet."

Determined that things were going to be different this time, the other members of U2 voted not to send review copies of No Line on the Horizon to journalists. The band organized a series of by-invitation-only "listening parties" for accredited members of the music press, who were forbidden from taking any electronic devices into the parties.

"That was more lame than Bono's buzz cut," said one Rolling Stone reviewer who asked not to be identified. "I mean, who's got time to travel to Dublin or Paris or wherever the band's living this week to hear their stinking record?

"I was fortunate, my boss (Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner) has his nose so far up Bono's ass that he (Mr. Wenner) was willing to pay my way to Paris. The CD was OK, but I didn't appreciate the strip search afterward. I mean, who's going to smuggle a CD in his butt?"

For all the to-ing and fro-ing that accompanied No Line on the Horizon's premature ejaculation, no one has commented yet on the contents of the album. In the interest of making up for that oversight, Postcards from the Pug Bus offers the following capsule reviews:

        "No Line On The Horizon" (4:12): Bono's first try at rap, on which he rhymes "singular" and "testicular" while making arcane references to rumors that he's had plastic surgery.

"Magnificent" (5:24): Over The Edge's chiming guitar and Larry Mullen's marching drums, Bono sings an ode to himself and his instrument.

"Moment of Surrender" (7:24): U2's most overtly sexual song to date, allegedly recorded while Bono was engaged in a sex act with an unidentified person rumored to have been himself.

"Unknown Caller" (6:03): Heavy breathing and Adam Clayton's pelvic-thrusting bass distinguish this giddy celebration of phone sex.

"I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight" (10:14): Pure pop and pure ecstasy. Bono shouts the title over and over during a raucous fade that will stick in your mind like a piece of gristle lodged in a cavity.

"Get On Your Boots" (3:25): If you saw the Grammys, you've already heard this one. If you didn't, you didn't miss much.

"Stand Up Comedy" (3:49): Singing in a Billy Crystal voice, Bono cracks wise about the ills of the world.

"FEZ-Being Born" (5:17): This song—about a hat or about a religious leader named Fez, who is planning a jihad—features a chorus of Bonos wailing like newborn infants.

"White As Snow" (4:41): Cheap sentimentality and Hallmark lyrics turn this snow yellow faster than a pack of sled dogs on a break.

"Breathe" (5:00): U2's first instrumental. Hopefully it will be their last.

"Cedars Of Lebanon" (4:13): A moving contemplation of death and the pros and cons of pre-need burial arrangements.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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