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| Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music News Religion Sports Technology Weed Our Staff |
 STAFF PICKSThis week's staff picks, selected especially for you by Kristi Burlinson, our editorial intern majoring in Gender Reassignment studies at Brown University, include ... |
(1) a token BLM article, Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars; |
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
Yin and Yang Seek Divorce, Citing Irreconcilable Differences
Mar 5, 2009 - 9:44
Mar 5, 2009 - 9:44
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"It happens," said the dark-haired Ms. Yin. "After thousands of years couples just grow apart. I'll always love Yang and his bright, active approach to life, but it's time for me to move on."
According to a friend of the couple, the wonder is they didn't split up sooner.
"You can only play that opposites-attract card for so long," said the friend. "In truth, they hadn't completed each other for centuries, and he was getting tired of living in her shadow. Besides, with their child well established on his/her own, there's really no reason for them to stay together."
Despite Yin and Yang's outward appearance of compatibility, their union was often troubled by internal strife. Where Yin is a passive, introverted—some would say weak—individual, Yang is outgoing and strong in his opinions. Where Yin is happy to stay at home with a book and her cat, Yang likes to socialize.
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The world is a far different place than it was when Yin and Yang first became soul mates. Computers, phone sex, drive-in movies, the Industrial Revolution, indoor plumbing—this venerable couple has seen it all.
"Yeah," laughs their friend, "if eHarmony had been around back in the day, perhaps they would have found more suitable partners."
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
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