Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Kobe the Girl Dad
died one year ago today
Kobe the Black Mamba
died long before that
he was the Kobe we admired for so long
girl dads are a dime a dozen
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Local SPCA Rescues 250 Pug Dog Figurines
        Dec 12, 2020 - 1:19
       
an image
CHADDS FORD, Penn. - Acting on a tip from a local animal rights activist, police and SPCA officers raided the home of longtime pug figurine collector Dotsie Kerrigan, 67, yesterday. As horrified neighbors in the exclusive development of Chadds Ford Knoll looked on, police removed more than 250 pug figurines from Kerrigan's $850,000 mock Tudor house.

"It was easily the worst case of neglect I've seen in twenty-two years on the force," said Lieutenant Brad Milanski. "Those dogs hadn't been dusted in months. They were starved for attention. Some of them were lying helplessly on their sides caked with dried food, and one or two that had suffered broken legs in falls will probably have to be destroyed."

According to Emma Dunkirk, president of the Chadds Ford chapter of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), the raid on Kerrigan's house was long overdue.

"These collectors who have far more dogs than they can possibly take care of inflict untold misery and suffering on helpless figurines," said Dunkirk. "They've got to be stopped, and the only way to stop them is with a figurine-limitation ordinance."

Neighbors told police they had become concerned last week when the recently widowed Kerrigan didn't show up for the Colonial era cooking class she attends at the nearby Chadds Ford Historical Society.

"I suspected there might be something wrong when Dotsie missed class," said Dorothy Scott Key, president of the historical society. "We were doing Scotch eggs last week, and Dotsie never missed a Scotch eggs class."

When Kerrigan missed class again this week and didn't return phone calls, neighbors considered the matter serious enough to be placed on the agenda at the Chadds Ford Knoll Home Owners Association meeting this month. In the meantime, however, Dunkirk went to Kerrigan's house under the pretext of buying a pair of life-size, show quality sandcast pug figures.

Kerrigan, who is well known as an exhibitor and a judge on the pug figurine show circuit, didn't respond to the door bell. Dunkirk peered through a window and saw Kerrigan sprawled on a sofa, apparently unconscious. The coffee table in front of the sofa was cluttered with empty pudding containers and dozens of pug figurines, who looked as if they had been desperately trying to get at the food.

"My first thought was for the poor figurines," said Dunkirk. "I would have broken in and liberated them, but I've already got two priors for breaking and entering, so I went home, e-mailed the members of our group, made a few picket signs, and called the police."

Kerrigan, who complained of dizziness after the police had awakened her, refused medical treatment. She told Lieutenant Milanski that she had been depressed since her fourth husband, Merrill, had died and that she hadn't left the house for the last two weeks.

"Ever since my husband passed, I haven't really felt like seeing anyone," she said. "I don't think I'll replace him because I don't want to go through this pain again."

Police have not decided whether charges will be brought against Kerrigan. They allowed her to keep a few of her favorite figurines that appeared to be in good condition, apart from looking undernourished. The fate of the other dogs removed from her house remains uncertain. They are being housed temporarily at the Chadds Ford police station.

"The officers here just love them," said Lieutenant Milanski. "The dogs are so friendly. All they want is for someone to show them a little affection. They'd make wonderful pets. I'd take one home myself, but my wife says if I bring home one more dog figurine, she'll divorce me."

PETA says it is prepared to go to court to prevent the dogs "from falling into that evil woman's clutches again."

Mary Lou Constantine, president of the PFCA (Pug Figurine Club of America), wants the dogs placed with "responsible collectors." According to Constantine, "These dogs are far too valuable to be placed in pet homes or, worse yet, in the homes of backyard collectors."

In related news, the Chadds Ford Historical Society will hold a mulled cider and scones party this weekend to raise funds for the care of the figurines while they are in police custody.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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