postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Van Morrison Files for Intellectual Bankruptcy
Jan 11, 2010 - 10:00
The famously gruff singer-songwriter informed his fans that he hasn't had a worthwhile musical idea since 1972 and that he's tired of recycling the same three riffs, though he seemed at a loss to explain why he had been in a thirty-eight-year slump. "As God is my judge," wrote Mr.Morrison, 64, "I have no idea how things came to such a sorry pass." According to friends of the reclusive singer, part of Mr. Morrison's problem is his raging paranoia. "Van's spent so much time trying to protect what's his that he's taken himself prisoner and built a moat around his life," said one acquaintance, who asked not to be identified for fear of retribution. "I'll tell you how bad that guy is," said Jerry Lee Lewis, whose sister Linda Gail once sued Mr. Morrison for sexual harassment and wrongful termination. "He don't even know the woman who runs fourteen of his companies and manages his tours. How [messed] up is that?" Mr. Lewis was referring to Texas-born Gigi Lee, 42, who does indeed command fourteen of Mr. Morrision's companies and who is reputed to have given birth to the singer's latest son—George Ivan Morrison XVI. When Mr. Morrison was informed via his website that Ms. Lee, who also manages the website, had presented him with a son, he flashed his trademark scowl and muttered, "Never met the slattern." When he was shown a photo, published recently in London's Daily Mail, of him and Ms. Lee backstage at a concert in California, Mr. Morrison mumbled, "Oh, that Gigi Lee. Stupid slattern. Only mer her once." In addition to having denied that he ever knew Ms. Lee, Mr. Morrison also denied knowing that he had a website until two weeks ago. He further denied through a statement issued by his publicist, whom Mr. Morrison claims never to have met, that he (Mr. Morrison) is a legal resident of Ireland; that he was ever in a band called THEM; that he wears a hat all the time because he has a rare skin cancer; and that he had ever listened to Rod Stewart's version of "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You." In related news, Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood, who is credited with throwing the party where Van Morrison and Gigi Lee met in 1998, has issued a statement saying, "1998? I can't say that I remember 1998. That was, like, fifteen years ago." © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
