postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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E-Trade Sues Lindsay Lohan for Damages
Mar 11, 2010 - 7:13
"Lindsay Lohan's suit against E-Trade is beyond frivolous," said E-Trade spokesperson Gail Cunningham. "It is a cynical attempt to revive her career by maligning our reputation. What makes her think any legitimate company would reference a celebrity known more for public drunkeness and widespread drug abuse than for her lamentable 'acting'? We don't need that toxic asset on our books." The E-Trade ad, which is alleged to have sent Ms. Lohan, 23, crying to her mother, features a baby girl who is upset because her boyfriend did not call the previous night. The boy apologizes, saying he was busy on E-Trade, diversifying his portfolio like a wolf. He then howls, which appears to send his little girlfriend into a swoon. Nevertheless, she asks, "And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn't over?" "Lindsay?" the boy asks, attempting to look innocent; but he is so busted when another baby girl pokes her head into the frame and asks, "Milk-a-what?" After she had stopped crying, Ms. Lohan filed a lawsuit in Nassau County Supreme Court in New York, claiming that E-Trade had violated her rights by using her "name and characterization" in business without paying her or obtaining her approval. Ms. Lohan's lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, contends that it doesn't matter that the commercial doesn't mention Ms. Lohan's surname (note to Lindsay Lohan fans: a surname is a person's last name). "Do you know the name Oprah? Do you know the name Madonna?" said Ms. Ovadia. "Same thing. Why didn't they use the name Susan?" Because they didn't want to offend Susan Sarandon? A spokesperson for Grey Group, which produced the "milkaholic" commercial, explained the choice of the name Lindsay. "We just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team." © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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