postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
...
...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
| Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us |
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
|
|
||
|
Gwyneth Paltrow Talks Breast Correction Surgery at U.N.
NEW YORK - Gwyneth Paltrow is scheduled to take her campaign for breast-correction surgery to the United Nations next week. There the maven of GOOP will address the U.N.'s Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women. She is expected to announce her plans to raise money to provide free corrective surgery for women in Third World countries who have suffered "the heartbreaking physical effects" of breast-feeding their children.Aug 24, 2011 - 12:38 "When I saw firsthand the devastation that resulted from breast-feeding my kids," said the actor/rapper/nutritionist, "my first thought was, 'I've got to get these puppies fixed.' Then I thought of all the less fortunate women in the world who couldn't afford to give their boobies a face lift." Saddened by the image of all those hooters pointing earthward instead of skyward in National Geographic spreads, Ms. Paltrow decided to "do something uplifting for my fellow sisters." She contacted Doctors without Borders with a novel suggestion. "Since Doctors Without Borders already works in many impoverished countries, like the Sudan, they could perform breast-correction surgery on women while sewing up their gunshot wounds. That's a win-win situation." Lisa Littlehales, lead nurse counsellor at The Harley Medical Group in Chester, England, praised Ms. Paltrow's "humanitarian instincts" and the example she sets for women. "Gwyneth Paltrow is a great example of the ideal breast-surgery patient; she appears to be fit, takes regular exercise, is reported to eat healthily, confirms she doesn't drink to excess or smoke, [and] so is in excellent health. This woman should be an example to Third World women everywhere." Nevertheless, U.N. approval of Ms. Paltrow's scheme is not guaranteed. Some delegates still remember the trouble that ensued several years ago when Ms. Paltrow donated thirty outdoor, wood-burning pizza ovens to residents of Namibia. Three infant deaths occurred when several of the families who received the wood-burning stoves mistakenly thought they were heated baby cribs. "As a home cook, one of the best things I've ever done was to build a wood burning oven in the back yard," said a shaken Ms. Paltrow when she learned of the deaths. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
||
|
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
