Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
Gwyneth Paltrow Talks Breast Correction Surgery at U.N. Aug 24, 2011 - 12:38
NEW YORK - Gwyneth Paltrow is scheduled to take her campaign for breast-correction surgery to the United Nations next week. There the maven of GOOP will address the U.N.'s Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women. She is expected to announce her plans to raise money to provide free corrective surgery for women in Third World countries who have suffered "the heartbreaking physical effects" of breast-feeding their children.
"When I saw firsthand the devastation that resulted from breast-feeding my kids," said the actor/rapper/nutritionist, "my first thought was, 'I've got to get these puppies fixed.' Then I thought of all the less fortunate women in the world who couldn't afford to give their boobies a face lift."
Saddened by the image of all those hooters pointing earthward instead of skyward in National Geographic spreads, Ms. Paltrow decided to "do something uplifting for my fellow sisters." She contacted Doctors without Borders with a novel suggestion.
"Since Doctors Without Borders already works in many impoverished countries, like the Sudan, they could perform breast-correction surgery on women while sewing up their gunshot wounds. That's a win-win situation."
Lisa Littlehales, lead nurse counsellor at The Harley Medical Group in Chester, England, praised Ms. Paltrow's "humanitarian instincts" and the example she sets for women.
"Gwyneth Paltrow is a great example of the ideal breast-surgery patient; she appears to be fit, takes regular exercise, is reported to eat healthily, confirms she doesn't drink to excess or smoke, [and] so is in excellent health. This woman should be an example to Third World women everywhere."
Nevertheless, U.N. approval of Ms. Paltrow's scheme is not guaranteed. Some delegates still remember the trouble that ensued several years ago when Ms. Paltrow donated thirty outdoor, wood-burning pizza ovens to residents of Namibia. Three infant deaths occurred when several of the families who received the wood-burning stoves mistakenly thought they were heated baby cribs.
"As a home cook, one of the best things I've ever done was to build a wood burning oven in the back yard," said a shaken Ms. Paltrow when she learned of the deaths.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.