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Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
The Grammar Prick Sticks It to The Neosecularist and ESPN Oct 19, 2011 - 12:54
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - While navigating the backwaters of the internet yesterday, I nearly ran aground on a website entitled The Neosecularist. What brought me up startled was this sentence: "There is some graphic descriptions of abortion procedures in this column."
Harrumph, I said to myself, and there is a graphic example of a language abortion in that sentence—the ignorant and annoying use of a singular verb, is, with a plural subject, descriptions. If that doesn't terminate your pregnancy quicker than a rusty coat hanger, I don't know what will.
Obviously that dead fetus of a sentence should read: "There are some graphic descriptions of abortion procedures in this column (emphasis added)."
The Neosecularist isn't the only website with its wits in a wringer. ESPN's NFC East Blog weighed in with this turd heap recently: "Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs." And everywhere there are assholes who think they can write.
This kind of mistake (trying to align a square verb with a round subject) most often occurs when there's—the contraction of there is—is involved.
"There's three dudes in ski masks waiting in your office to speak with you."
Once again There's should be There are.
Now, boys and girls, we come to the part of the lesson wherein The Grammar Prick tries to keep you from tripping over your dicks (well, some of you anyway) when you open your mouths. Armed with the knowledge that there's equals there is and here's equals here is and where's equals where is identify the incorrect sentence in each of the following groups.
1)There's two sides to every story. 2) There's an app for that. 3) There's no harm in trying.
1) Here's looking at you, kid. 2) Here's the pictures from your colonoscopy. 3) Here's a good suggestion: piss off.
1) There's one in every crowd. 2) There's too much noise in here. 3) There's eight million stories in the naked city.
1) Where's the articles I requested yesterday? 2) Where's the beef? 3) Where's your car parked?
1) There's nothing to fear but fear itself. 2) There's no need to get hostile. 3) There's a thousand reasons why Rick Perry won't be nominated.
The correct answers to these questions add up to 10.
Well, that's all the time The Grammar Prick has today, boys and girls. He has to take his afternoon nap, but he'll be back soon with another opportunity for you to find out how wretched your "command" of English really is.
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
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Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.