Postcards from the Pug Bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

The Pug Bus has moved. We'll still be the profane, pot-smoking bastards we always have been, but now you'll have to find us at pugbus.org if you want to waste your time on this sort of shit. We've been at this address for eighteen years. We wish we could say that it was real, but it wasn't, it was fucking satire after all.

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The Book of Daze℠

Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope

A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That

There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall

image of worldwide web on computer screen

The Pug Bus Blogs On

seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised

Our fearless editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the festering evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; his hatred of soccer moms; and a whole lot more!"

Yesterdays' Papers

Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls

No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Pug Bus Interview

image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor

Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

The Fuck It List

Ten Things You Should Quit Doing While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Organized Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Making Sure Your Zipper's Up
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Apologizing
  7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
  8. Hauling the Grandkids Around
  9. Stupid-Ass, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

NBA Stars Looking into World Bidet Association
Oct 28, 2011 - 11:09

ST. PAUL, Minn. - Minnesota Timberwolves forward Michael Beasley isn't the only National Basketball Association (NBA) player who turned the wrong cheek when he said he'd considering signing with the World Bidet Association (WBA) recently.

Like many of his fellow ballers, Mr. Beasley thought he was signing with the World Basketball Association instead.

"Michael liked to shit when he discovered his mistake," said Mr. Beasley's agent, Ron Ferrule. "The idea didn't sit too well with him.

"This all started when Michael got a text message asking if he was interested in being part of the WBA's Flushed with Success program. He texted back that they ought to send me a contract for review."

Mr. Beasley apparently thought he would sign on for one of the mini-tours being arranged for NBA players during the current lockout. He probably viewed the WBA as a chance to see a bit of the world while picking up some pocket money and a few sexually adventurous foreign women. Imagine his surprise when Mr. Ferrule called to ask if Mr. Beasley had been troubled by hemorrhoids of late.

"The fuck you talkin' about, faggot?" demanded Mr. Beasley. "Your mama's got hemorrhoids."

After Mr. Ferrule had explained that the B in WBA doesn't always stand for Basketball, Mr. Beasley shouted, "The fuck I need something that squirts water up my ass for? You always blowin' smoke up my ass is bad enough."

According to Mr. Ferrule, whose clients Delonte West and Shawn Marion were also keen to sign with the WBA, the group wanted Mr. Beasley and others to endorse its products—including the patented Cloud 9 and Sitting Pretty portable bidets "for the active lifestyle."

"Not everyone got as angry as Michael did," said Mr. Ferrule. "Delonte actually thought it was funny. He wanted to send a Sitting Pretty bidet to Lebron's mother as a gag gift."

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.