Postcards from the Pug Bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy

ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname

Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"

White women can't jump, either

Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"

Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site

STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind

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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear

Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us

The Book of Daze℠

Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope

A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That

There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall

image of worldwide web on computer screen

Here's to a Brighter Day

Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On

seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised

Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers

Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News

West Chester University Golden Ram image

West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls

No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Pug Bus Interview

image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor

Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

Asshats of the Week to Everyone Who Supports Joe Paterno
Nov 13, 2011 - 11:26

WEST CHESTER, Penna. - The Amalgamated Asshat Association will have to step up production this week in order to make enough asshats for all the Joe Paterno enablers who have earned one.

Did somebody lift a rock the size of Beaver stadium out there in Happy Valley or what? How else to explain the sudden, frenzied appearance of dimwits waving signs, writing articles, giving interviews, and turning over vehicles in support of the defrocked football coach?

Let's begin with the asshat at yesterday's Nebraska-Penn State game who held up a sign that proclaimed, "JoePa Got Screwed." That fuckwad is so beyond gobsmacking that we thought for a minute he might be indulging in a bit of postmodern irony—until we remembered that Penn State types are too self-important to do irony. They do hero worship, hyperbole, arrested development, and lots of other pervy things, but irony ain't in their playbook.

Nor do they have much truck with rational thought it seems. There were people who got screwed, literally and figuratively, in and around Penn State, but none is named Joe Paterno. Their names are Victim 1 through Victim 8 and counting.

A tip of the asshat, too, to Penn State's Acting President What's His Name, who didn't sound so presidential when he said that the Nebraska game had to be played in order to focus attention on the issue of child abuse. Yo, Mr. President, your school has already focused more attention on child abuse than any other institution in the history of college sports. Your work is done in that regard. Rest easy.

Asshats all around to the Penn State students who rioted in support of Mr. Paterno last Wednesday evening after news of his dismissal had been announced—and to the students who gathered outside Mr. Paterno's passively aggressive modest split-level house to show support for a diaper-wearing old geezer who didn't think the report about his former defensive coordinator mucking about with a young boy in the showers on campus was anything to worry about.

The brightest asshat of all to Mike McQueary who witnessed former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sanduskey, then fifty-eight, buggering a young man in the aforesaid showers nine years ago. Instead of going to the young boy's aid, Mr. McQueary, then twenty-eight, ran out to call his daddy, who advised him to tell Mr. Paterno. (Oh, fuck. Let's give an asshat to old man McQueary as well. That sort of parenting should not go unremarked.)

To be candid, moral and intellectual turpitude of the sort we're discussing here might be considered sufficient reason to retire the asshat awards, but they're so much fun to write that we must proceed.

Finally, we have decided that Joe Paterno deserves something more than an asshat. He gets one of those fancy hats the pope wears—and maybe a sinecure in the Vatican. They're always looking for a guy who puts college ahead of conscience.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.