Postcards from the Pug Bus                
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  The Grammar Prick Sticks It to Alanis Morissette
        Nov 30, 2011 - 10:04
        WEST CHESTER, Penna. - When President Obama said that America had been "lazy" for the past few decades, he was talking about our national language scandal. Americans, the president said, are too lazy to search for the home run utterance; they settle instead for a cheap single up the middle; and that, boys and girls, is why the word ironic has been bastardized beyond recognition.

Before we begin today's lesson, let's find out if you're one of the bastards responsible for the gang rape of ironic.

Does ironic mean a) possessing toxic amounts of iron, b) coincidental, c) an incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs, d) an element with an atomic weight of 55.847?

If you answered a or d, you are incorrect. If you answered b, you might be the sort of rat-fucking, butt-scratching dunderhead responsible for turning the English language into a shit heap.

Ironic means "an incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs." For example, the DeLacey family in Frankenstein values intelligence and virtue, yet they set upon the Creature, who possesses both these qualities, and drive him from their house simply because he is uglier than Nancy Grace

That is ironic, boys and girls: bad things happening to a good Creature at the hands of other good creatures. The following are not ironic: a traffic jam when you're already late or a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break.

        Those examples of stupidity and several others like them can be found in a song called Ironic by the unforgivably louche Alanis Morissette. That sorry wildebeest appears to have confused ironic with coincidental, and so have countless other fuckwads. It is not ironic if you're late and you get stuck in a traffic jam, because there is no incongruity between what you might expect (a normal amount of traffic) and what actually occurs (a two-mile gaper delay).

By comparison, when the DeLaceys went vigilante on the Creature, there was an incongruity between their behavior and the behavior that might be expected from intelligent, virtuous people who are confronted with the unusual.

Still scratching your ass rhetorically? Let's try another example.

You're driving to the supermarket talking to your friend Bitsy on your cell phone. A while later, as you're standing in the "15 items or less" line (which should be the "15 items or fewer" line), you see Bitsy's brother Barry, and you exclaim, "How ironic, I was just talking to your sister."

That is not ironic. It is simply a coincidence that you saw Barry a few minutes after talking to his sister. There is no incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs, because talking to Bitsy while you're driving does not raise any expectations beyond the expectation that you're more likely to crash the car because you're talking on the goddamn phone.

Got that? Let's see if you really do.

        Instead of taking a nap indoors today, you decide to snooze in the hammock in the yard. As you're sleeping, a chunk of blue ice is released accidentally from a plane flying overhead. The ice lands on you, sending you into a near fatal coma. Irony, coincidence, or tough shit?

While you're chewing on that one, boys and girls, The Grammar Prick has to go and delete a few people from his 2011 Xmas card list. He'll probably start with people who don't know the difference between irony and coincidence.

One other thing: there is more than one kind of irony. The kind we discussed today is known as situational (or sometimes dramatic) irony. Its cousin, verbal irony, occurs when your friend falls on his face after tripping over his own feet, and you exclaim, "Way to go, graceful."
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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