Postcards from the Pug Bus                    

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Kobe the Girl Dad
died one year ago today
Kobe the Black Mamba
died long before that
he was the Kobe we admired for so long
girl dads are a dime a dozen
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Pope Francis Appoints St. Christopher the Patron Saint of Texting
        Aug 20, 2013 - 1:26
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VATICAN CITY–In perhaps his most populist and daring move yet, Pope Francis the First, also known as The People's Pope, issued a divine apostolic proclamation (DAP) last week appointing St. Christopher to the position of patron saint of texting.

Although there are patron saints for every sort of occupation, special cause, infirmity, act of god, and contagious disease—from Aspergers to zoophobia—the church is noticeably lacking a patron saint of texting.

"In order to reach more souls we had to fill this position quickly," said the pope during his weekly Facebook mass from the Vatican's Church of the Digital Trinity.

"Thousands of people around the world, many of them Catholics, are killed or injured each year while texting," said the pope. "We must reach out to these souls, even to the ones who might be thinking of sexting while driving."

Like so many of the pope's stunning innovations, such as hearing confessions via Twitter, the appointment of St. Christopher as patron saint of texting serves a calculated as well as a compassionate purpose. For example, many Catholics have labored under the misapprehension that Christopher had been somehow decomissioned from sainthood.

        "Nothing could be further from the truth," said Father Malachi O'Reardon, senior account executive in the department of indulgences for the Eternal Word Television Network (EWTN).

"Saint Christopher was something of an underachiever when he was patron saint of motor vehicles," said Father O'Reardon. "As members of the heathen secular press were fond of noting, despite it being Christopher's saintly duty to protect travelers in automobiles, more people died in car crashes each year than they did in war, and more than a few of those victims were killed when their brains were penetrated by statues of St. Christopher flying off their dashboards."

To save face, not to mention faces, the church removed St. Christopher from active duty and assigned him to a desk job. His feast day was stricken from the liturgical calendar, and the church no longer encouraged devotion to him. Indeed, you would be more likely to find a priest with a dream catcher hanging from his rear view mirror than a St. Christopher medal.

The official reasons given for the church's de-emphasization of St. Christopher was "due to a lack of historical evidence regarding his life and the prevalence of fantastic legends surrounding him, the most popular being that he was a rather ugly, giant man"; but if such were cause for demotion, there wouldn't be enough saints left in good standing to fill a $24.95 EWTN Yearly Calendar of the Saints.

        The pope's appointment of St. Christopher as patron saint of texting has met with universal praise from Catholics everywhere.

"Is dis pope da bomb or what?" said Eugenio DeTumesco, a brick layer from St. Luigi the Enforcer parish in Chicago. "It's about time St. Christopher got some DAP."

And this just in: St. Christopher is already credited for potentially saving one life.

"I was driving along yesterday when I got bored and decided to sext my boyfriend," said Christi Martinez, an elementary education major at West Cheater University in Pennsylvania. "But just as I was pulling my shorts off, I got my period and the mood was gone. I guess St. Christopher must have been looking out for me."

Representatives of St. Christopher did not respond to repeated text messages requesting comments.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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