Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Exclusive Interview with England's Royal Fetus
        Jul 10, 2013 - 1:11
an image
LONDON - Postcards from the Pug Bus has secured an exclusive interview with the Royal Fetus, which is expected to be delivered by Katherine the Duchess of Cambridge any day now. The circumstances of the interview remain cloaked in secrecy, but we can report that no Australian disk jockeys were involved in obtaining the interview, nor did any nurses kill themselves as a result of being duped in the process.

Pug Bus: Good morning, Royal Fetus.
Royal Fetus: Christ. Is it morning already? The days all run into each other in this dump, and the lighting isn't too great. What month is this?

PB: I think it's your final month, Royal Fetus.
RF: Final month?!? Did that bitch decide to have an abortion? It won't be a pretty picture, fetal road kill. I can tell you that.

PB: No. No, Your Royal Fetus. I meant your last month in the womb.
RF: Womb? It's more like a tomb, but I think I get your point. Like tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life or some shit like that. Anyway, I meant what fucking calendar month is it? I'm supposed to get out of here in July, right? Is it July yet?

PB: July 10, Your Royal Fetus.
RF: Cut the "Royal Fetus" crap. You can just call me "Kim." Everybody else will be calling me that soon enough.

PB: Is that the name Kate and William have picked for you?
KIM: No. I stole it from my dead twin nobody's heard about.

PB: Really?
KIM: Of course it's my name, Sherlock.

PB: How do you know that?
KIM: I'm pretty tight with Kate, you know, who can say good-bye to tight once I've gone kicking and screaming down the old vaginal water slide. The next kid she has will be able to walk out of here.

PB: Does the name "Kim" mean you're a girl or a boy?
KIM: Next question, mate.

PB: Playing your cards close to the vest, eh?
KIM: No other way to play 'em in these tight quarters. There isn't enough room in here to swing a Muslim.

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PB: So what do you do all day?
KIM: Let's see, there's yoga, finger painting, kicking me feet, sleeping, pissing, shitting, farting, and lots of wanking. We fetuses love a good wank, and there's no one to scold you in here.

PB: Do you have any idea of all the fuss that's being made about your birth?
KIM: Yeah. People ought to get a life instead of trying to hitch a ride on mine. After I'm born they're still gonna have shitty lives and crappy houses and dodgy teeth. I'll have enough to do with getting the hang of breast feeding and learning how to crawl and stuff.

PB: Apart from breast feeding and crawling, what other aspects of life are you looking forward to?
KIM: Losing the pointy head I'll be born with and that horrible swelling about the genitals. After that there's always reruns of Midsomer Murders and, of course, wanking and shooting towel heads from my helicopter when I grow up.

PB: I've gotta go now. I think I hear someone coming.
KIM: That was probably my father in the next room. Ever since me mum cut him off, he's been polishing his knob like it's a vintage Austin Healy. Anyway, thanks for stopping around, see you on the other side, mate.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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