postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
...
...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
| Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us |
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
|
|
||
|
Exclusive Interview with England's Royal Fetus
Jul 10, 2013 - 1:11
Pug Bus: Good morning, Royal Fetus. Royal Fetus: Christ. Is it morning already? The days all run into each other in this dump, and the lighting isn't too great. What month is this? PB: I think it's your final month, Royal Fetus. RF: Final month?!? Did that bitch decide to have an abortion? It won't be a pretty picture, fetal road kill. I can tell you that. PB: No. No, Your Royal Fetus. I meant your last month in the womb. RF: Womb? It's more like a tomb, but I think I get your point. Like tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life or some shit like that. Anyway, I meant what fucking calendar month is it? I'm supposed to get out of here in July, right? Is it July yet? PB: July 10, Your Royal Fetus. RF: Cut the "Royal Fetus" crap. You can just call me "Kim." Everybody else will be calling me that soon enough. PB: Is that the name Kate and William have picked for you? KIM: No. I stole it from my dead twin nobody's heard about. PB: Really? KIM: Of course it's my name, Sherlock. PB: How do you know that? KIM: I'm pretty tight with Kate, you know, who can say good-bye to tight once I've gone kicking and screaming down the old vaginal water slide. The next kid she has will be able to walk out of here. PB: Does the name "Kim" mean you're a girl or a boy? KIM: Next question, mate. PB: Playing your cards close to the vest, eh? KIM: No other way to play 'em in these tight quarters. There isn't enough room in here to swing a Muslim.
KIM: Let's see, there's yoga, finger painting, kicking me feet, sleeping, pissing, shitting, farting, and lots of wanking. We fetuses love a good wank, and there's no one to scold you in here. PB: Do you have any idea of all the fuss that's being made about your birth? KIM: Yeah. People ought to get a life instead of trying to hitch a ride on mine. After I'm born they're still gonna have shitty lives and crappy houses and dodgy teeth. I'll have enough to do with getting the hang of breast feeding and learning how to crawl and stuff. PB: Apart from breast feeding and crawling, what other aspects of life are you looking forward to? KIM: Losing the pointy head I'll be born with and that horrible swelling about the genitals. After that there's always reruns of Midsomer Murders and, of course, wanking and shooting towel heads from my helicopter when I grow up. PB: I've gotta go now. I think I hear someone coming. KIM: That was probably my father in the next room. Ever since me mum cut him off, he's been polishing his knob like it's a vintage Austin Healy. Anyway, thanks for stopping around, see you on the other side, mate. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
||
|
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
