Postcards from the Pug Bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy

ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname

Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"

White women can't jump, either

Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"

Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site

STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind

...

Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear

Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us

The Book of Daze℠

Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope

A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That

There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall

image of worldwide web on computer screen

Here's to a Brighter Day

Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On

seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised

Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers

Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News

West Chester University Golden Ram image

West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls

No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Pug Bus Interview

image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor

Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

Taylor Swift Placed Under Suicide Watch (Breaking News)
Jul 27, 2013 - 5:49

READING, Pa.–Taylor Swift has been placed under a suicide watch by concerned members of her entourage, the Pug Bus learned today. The popular, six-foot-tall singer-songwriter has been sideswiped by increasingly severe and frequent panic attacks that have played havoc with her mental health and with her ability to write revenge songs.

"Taylor is so terrified of being alone? She cannot even go to the bathroom by herself? said Rainbow, an under-assistant to Ms. Swift's manicurist who did not wish to be identified for fear of being placed on permanent toilet-monitor duty.

In addition to a dread of her own company, Ms. Swift has recurring nightmares about Kanye West interrupting her to make a speech while she's having sex. As a result she hasn't had a partner in nearly two weeks, the longest she's gone without one since she was fifteen.

The lack of sex deprives Ms. Swift not only of the validation she craves but also of the material for the petty, self-righteous, and vindictive songs that have made her a demigod to petty, self-righteous, and vindictive adolescents.

"Taylor hasn't written a break-up song in, like, forever? There's been nobody to break up with?" said Pixie, who oversees a crew of six responsible for the care and transportation of the hundreds of stuffed animals that Ms. Swift takes on tour with her.

Like most of Ms. Swift's entourage, Pixie hasn't uttered a declarative sentence for years, but she is nonetheless certain whom to blame for Ms. Swift's emotional decline.

"All the haters? All the jokes about her boyfriends? OMG!!! The fake porn photos?And the hurtful T-shirts? Like how is she supposed to deal with that? She's only one person, you know?"

Although Taylor Swift has been accused of making "training bra music," there's gold in them there molehills, and that's what has her people shitting bricks. As long as Ms. Swift is twenty-two going on fourteen or twenty-three going on fifteen, the hits will keep on coming; but what happens if her emotional age catches up with chronological age? Is she going to turn into Bob Dylan overnight?

As Pixie might say, "Duh?"

Hence the suicide watch. Hence the aroma therapy on the tour bus. Hence the constant stream of tweets to stoke the pre-pubescent ire of the army of Swifties, who put fatwas on the heads of clothing manufacturers, singers, or Golden Globe hosts who defame their high priestess.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.