postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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NSA Blames Vague Terror Warning on Inability to Decode Pig Latin
Aug 29, 2020 - 8:07
"We have the capability of intercepting any spoken correspondence, digital or analog, from anywhere in the world," boasted the official. "If a terrorist in Yemen calls in an order for a dozen falafel, we can have a SEAL team waiting at the store by the time he gets there. "Unfortunately, the high-level programmers who wrote the code for our data-harvesting-and-translating algorithms thought spoken Pig Latin was a dead language. Therefore it was not factored into any of our language-translation routines, subroutines, or sub-subroutines. That created a systemic inability to decipher the dates and locations of any planned attacks on United States interests that were spoken in Pig Latin."
"Understanding Pig Latin is child's play," said the senator. "Maybe the NSA ought to invest in the Rosetta Stone boxed set for Pig Latin." In reply the NSA official pointed out that there is more than one version of Pig Latin. "The version currently being used by al-Qaeda is unknown," he said, "but I can assure you that it will become classified information the minute we figure out what it is." According to a language arts teacher at Trayvon Martin Middle School in West Hartford, Connecticut, "In addition to the standard Pig Latin technique of moving the first letter(s) of a word to the end of that word and then adding ay, there are variants of this approach that add iy, oy, or even uy to the end of a word—as well as more complicated variants that use at least four different word endings in the same sentence." "To the best of our knowledge," concluded the NSA official, "there is no simplistic Rosetta Stone solution to decoding sophisticated spoken Pig Latin, despite what Mr. Paul might think; and even if there were one, I would not be at liberty to affirm or deny whether we were using it." © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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