Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
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The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
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man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Joseph of Cupertino, Patron Saint of Air Travel, Dummies Books
        Aug 11, 2013 - 9:15
       
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On October 4, 1630, the village of Cupertino, Italy, held a procession on the feast day of Saint Francis of Assisi. During the procession a young priest named Joseph, who was there to clean up after the animals, suddenly flew into the sky, where he remained hovering over the crowd for nearly a minute.

The animals in the procession—not to mention the villagers watching it—liked to shit themselves at this development. Indeed, many of them did; and when Joseph got his feet back under him, the parade marshall told him to clean up the mess he had caused before returning to the monastery for dinner. He took so long at the task that he missed dinner and breakfast the next morning.

Thus it always was with Saint Joseph of Cupertino, a small village in the Kingdom of Naples. Most of what he touched turned to shit because he was wont to trip over his feet, his dick, his good intentions, and anything else in his path.

Joseph was born in a stable on June 17, 1603, with fewer talents than Ringo Starr—and even less by way of looks if that is possible; but at least, we are given to believe, Ringo was born indoors. People in Cupertino said that Joseph had una faccia come il culo di un asino. As soon as he was able to walk, other children in the village began playing a game called pin the tail on Joseph.

       
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Joseph had only two gifts. One was his acceptance of the fact that he was always going to be the last one chosen for anything. His other gift, frequent ecstatic visions, was often misdiagnosed as attention deficit disorder.

These visions began when Joseph was eight. While in their grip he gaped and stared and dropped whatever he was doing— his books at school, his shoemaker's tools, the dinner plates in the monastery.

Not surprisingly Joseph was a failure in school, in his apprenticeship, and later in several of the monasteries to which he reluctantly had been admitted, even though he could barely read and ofter misspelled his name. He was sent down from one monastery because he could not learn the difference between brown bread and white.

Finally after a run of good luck involving social promotion and the Franciscans' commitment to diversity, Joseph was ordained a priest, but his troubles did not stop there. When he went out begging for his brethren, he often returned to the monastery with his sack full, but without a sandal or his girdle or his rosary or sometimes parts of his habit. His friends among the poor had taken them for keepsakes, but Joseph had no clue the items were missing.

When he was told that the monastery could not afford to give him new clothes every day, he asked to be left alone in his cell "to vegetate for that is all I can do."

       
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Apparently Joseph forgot that request, too, for he continued to get into all kinds of bother. He was transferred from one monastery to another for his own good and for that of the rest of the community. He was even reported to the imperial tribunal of the Inquisition, but he was exonerated.

Finally after getting on the very last nerve of everyone who knew him—save for the poor, who thought of him as their amico stupido—Joseph caught a fever and died when he became disoriented and crashed into a tree while levitating in one of the many apple orchards around Cupertino on September 18, 1663.

FYI: Joseph is the patron saint of astronauts, pilots, co-pilots, flight attendants, air travelers, balloonists, cupertino, California, and the For Dummies book series
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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