Postcards from the Pug Bus                    

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Phil Spector died for O.J.'s sins
Who is "Dr." Jill fooling with that bogus educator nonsense?
The woman teaches remedial fucking English
at a stinking community college
Truly amazing, but at least it's a step up
from her former gig as Queen of the Stone Balloon
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Consumer Reports Issues First Rating of Patron Saints
        Aug 30, 2013 - 11:21
        YONKERS, N.Y.,–The October digital issue of Consumer Reports magazine will contain the venerable product tester's first-ever rating of patron saints. The long-awaited rating is expected to save consumers time and money in seeking heavenly intercession for any of an exhausting list of ailments, both mental and physical, as well as protection against all manner of crimes, pestilence, and natural disasters.

"Frankly," said Consumer Report's chief of product testing, Gerald Wilkins, "the church's catalog of patron saints is a buyer's nightmare. John the Baptist, for example, is one of eighteen patron saints of epilepsy listed by the church. How is the consumer to know which of those saints to approach, much less donate money to, in order to secure help with epilepsy? Consumers need to know whether St. Anthony the Abbott is more effective with epilepsy than St. Guy of Anderlecht is. And what about saints Valentine, Vitus, and Willibrord?"

To make matters worse, said Mr. Wilkins, John the Baptist is also the patron saint of bird dealers, converts, cutters, farriers, lambs, monastic life, motorways, printers, and tailors, among others. Is John more effective in helping lambs or bird dealers, monks or motorways?

In order to arrive at its ratings of patron saints, Consumer Reports began by examining each saint's performance in his or her listed areas of expertise.

George Linden, associate director of product claims for Consumer Reports, explained this process, using St. Anthony of Padua as an example.

"Anthony is listed as the patron saint of American Indians, boatmen, elderly people, fishermen, horses, pregnant women, barren women, sailors, swineherds, travel hostesses, and finding lost objects. After cataloging tens of thousands of responses to our online questionnaire, "What has your saint done for you lately?" we determined that St. Anthony is most effective at helping people find lost objects (23 percent) and at comforting the elderly (18 percent).

"Reports of Anthony's rewarding the prayers of American Indians, boatmen, and others were statistically insignificant. Furthermore, there were no reports of Anthony's having aided swineherds or travel hostesses, and the few reports we did receive about his aiding horses came from people who had also prayed to other patron saints of horses such as St. Equus and St. Paul, both of whom rated higher in this category than St. Anthony did. Thus, we can recommend St. Anthony only to people who have misplaced their cell phones and to old folks who are afraid of dying."

        Catholics are eagerly looking forward to Consumer Report's rating of patron saints. Barbara Czyskowski, 31, who suffers from a rare but embarrassing case of inverted nipples, has been praying to St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, for several years to no avail.

"I can't wait to read Consumer Reports to see if there's somebody more specific to pray to," she said. "They really helped me when I was looking for a new toaster oven. Perhaps they can help me again."

"That's the benefit of our ratings," said Mr. Linden. "There's no need to continue suffering the heartbreak of psoriasis just because you've been praying to the wrong saint."

Church fathers, however, were not so enthusiastic about Consumer Report's ratings.

"Only The Lord God, speaking through His ordained leaders, can raise or lower a saint. Saints cannot be evaluated like refrigerators or propane grills."

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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