Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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St. Agatha of Palermo, Patron Saint of Breast Implants and Barbecue Aug 3, 2013 - 10:31
WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Next to the Blessed Virgin Mary's breasts—which no one but the Holy Ghost and the infant Jesus has ever seen—the hooters of St. Agatha of Palermo are the most famous and most venerated in all of christendom.
"Mary's breasts are given titular respect," says Emilio Cacasodo, S.J., "After all, she is the mother of Jesus, but St. Agatha's cioccie, mio dio, they are truly objects to be venerated."
St. Agatha's melons are certainly a case of less being more, for they were cut off at the order of the magistrate Quinctianus of Sicily after the young and virginal Agatha refused to accept an internship at Leccacazzi, Palermo'a most exclusive brothel.
After telling Quinctianus that she would not work in a brothel because her breasts belonged to god alone, Agatha, 15, wound up with her tits in a wringer, and they were eventually removed. She was returned to prison following her mastectomy. There, according to legend, her balloons were restored to their former glory by St. Peter in the world's first recorded breast augmentation.
When Decius, the emperor of Rome, learned about this miracle, he ordered Agatha to be rolled over hot coals and burned at the stake. She died in 253 C.E. after uttering her final words, "My cups runneth over." Her breasts, which survived the fire, were buried at a secret location.
During the centuries following St. Agatha's martyrdom, her breasts have attracted a large and devoted following—especially among young catholic boys—and countless miracles have been attributed to them. Each year hundreds of thousands of pilgrims travel to the shrine of St. Agatha, located in a grotto outside Palermo, to touch a likeness of the breasts of St. Agatha carved in stone.
In addition to being the patron saint of breast implants, St. Agatha is also the patron saint of breast-cancer survivors and grill marks. Moreover, because of the exquisite shape of her breasts, Agatha is the patron saint of bell-founders and bakers.
To celebrate Agatha's feast day each year, Sicilian bakers produce the famous poppe cakes in the shape of Agatha's bajongas. The most outstanding of these are consecrated and distributed as communion at a mass in her honor.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.