Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  The Sacred Paraphernalia of the Zodiac
        Aug 17, 2019 - 8:42
       
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WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Everybody knows that different gemstones, power phrases, colors, handshakes, and non-GMO crystals are associated with the various signs of the Zodiac. Only the elevated stargazer, however, can see the relationships among different items of stoner paraphernalia and signs of the Zodiac. So if you're always a few nachos short of a grande, you should open your mind to the voices of the Sacred Paraphernalia of the Zodiac that rock your world, especially if that paraphernalia is hissing, belching clouds of smoke, or speaking to you in a digitally altered voice.

Virgo (8/23–9/22): Your ruling cosmic appliance—a Quad-core Self-Cleaning Yocan Pandon and Laser Light—will become exceedingly scarce and valuable on eBay after it is demonstrated by former Home Improvement star Jonathan Taylor Thomas on a QVC shopping channel segment entitled "Where Are They Now?" The correct answer can be obtained by putting a dab of CBD in the right chamber and a large dab of Sour Diesel in the left. Or vice versa.

Libra (9/23–10/23): The Kim Kardashian Electronic Chopsticks/Knitting Needles from Puffco appliances, the world's foremost supplier of overpriced, crappy smoking devices—and now overpriced, crappy novelty devices—are perfect for weight conscious Librans. Instead of bloating on greasy wontons and calorie-laden duck sauce, you can knit one and purl two while waiting for your steamed selections from column A and column B to arrive via DoorDash.

Scorpio (10/24–11/21): The Ariana Grande 420 Air Freshener and Pasta Maker satisfies the Scorpio's passion for practicality. You can now prepare dinner without worrying that the air in your kitchen will be compromised by eau de ganja while your tricolored tortellini are approaching al dente.

       
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Sagittarius (11/22–12/21): Although panic buttons aren't usually found on high-end, solar-powered ganja grinders, your Miley Cyrus Twerk It to a Fine Grind model is equipped with one in the event that the foam finger you're rubbing yourself with as you're grinding a dank, odiferous bud of Sour Mango gets stuck in the machine or in you.

Capricorn (12/22–1/19): Be the envy of the Zodiac with your Jesus H. Christ Rolling Tray and Christmas Carol Player, pre-loaded with more than two hundred religious Christmas songs and Gregorian chants. The Three Wise Men model features a GPS designed to help you follow your star.

Aquarius (1/20–2/18): Behind every successful Aquarian there's a steam driven dab rig. Jeffrey Epstein, for example, used a crude form of one to get wasted and to press his prison duds during his brief stay in the lock-up. That's why Mr. Epstein looked fly while the other dudes in prison looked as if they had their clothes pressed in the prison laundry.

Pisces (2/19–3/20): The Harry Styles Roach Clip and Multivariate Break-Up Messages, delivered in Harry's own voice, is designed to highlight the perfect end to a smoking shesh or a clapped out relationship. Choose from more than fifty kiss-off messages. Don't miss the one aimed at tall, clingy blondes who give bad head. Messages are not case sensitive or sensitive in any regard—neither is Harry.

Aries (3/21–4/19): Your fastidiousness and passion for order are governed by the Sterile-matic Continuous-Clean Toaster and Bud Drier. Unlike most people, whose toaster pans contain calcified nuggets with the mineral properties of fertilizer, your Sterile-matic and, by extension, your life are gleaming monuments to the civility that can only be attributed to perfectly dried weed.

Taurus (4/20–5/20): The constellation Amana passing through the House of Proctor and Gamble designates the Jack Herer One Hitter as your ruling sacred appliance. Unfortunately, the one hitter, like the crockpot can signify both the pleasure of eating with a family and the loneliness of the mechanized meal. Heads you win, tails you smoke alone.

       
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Gemini (5/21–6/21): The Sir Paul McCartney autographed Davinci IQ model is the sacred appliance that soft rocks the Gemini world. One ten-second draw on this paisley, special-edition puppy and you'll be warbling silly love songs while serving vegetarian treats to your guests and boring them with lectures about PETA.

Cancer (6/22–7/22): Cancerians owe their beautiful skin to the Electronic Zit Remover and Nectar Collector. Blind dates, important job interviews, appearances in police lineups—with the Electronic Zit Remover and Nectar Collector you can make a smooth appearance whatever the occasion. Jaden Smith and Selena Gomez swear by theirs. You will, too.

Leo (7/23–8/22): The 710 Aroma Therapy/Volcano Vaporizer is associated with many influential persons. Something of a departure for the folks at Volcano, this über rig is ideal for the inquisitive stoner who understands that there is more than one way to binge on terpenes. No matter what your Leo body type—Mick Jagger, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Mae West—a 710 Aroma Therapy/Volcano Vaporizer can help you keep you cool between the sheets. Arnold never hits on the help without hitting the 710 Aroma Therapy/Volcano Vaporizer first.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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