Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Celebrities Who No Longer Celebrate Their Birthdays on 9/11 Sep 11, 2013 - 10:07
HOLLYWOOD–Today as we pause to remember the tragedy that befell this nation twelve years ago, we also pause to remember the living who no longer pause to remember their birthdays on this dark and solemn date. Their sacrifice, though seemingly inconsequential, is nonetheless heartfelt.
Afflicted with varying degrees of survivors' guilt—and in many cases with liberal guilt as well—these men and women "just don't want no fuss, yo," in the words of Ludacris, who would have been 35 today.
Moby, who would have been 47, first gave up all animal products in deference to 9/11, but that still didn't get the bad taste out of his mouth, so he gave up birthday celebrations and, rumor has it, may be giving up his career soon.
Harry Connick Jr., 45, gave up one musical style after another before hitting upon giving up his birthday observations "as a way to help this nation heal."
Time, good taste, and the patience of our readers do not permit us to give more than a brief mention to all the celebrities who sacrificed their birthday celebrations lest they diminish the remembrance of a terrible day. We should mention one leader on the world stage, however, who refuses to give up his 9/11 birthday—Bashar Al-Assad, 48, the president of Syria.
Despite President Obama's nationally televised speech last night, in which he made an eloquent plea to President Assad to give up his birthday "for the sake of the children," Mr. Assad remained defiant.
"Allah gave me a special birthday to remind Alawite Muslims that America's power is waning. I look forward to 'many happy returns of the day,' as Americans like to say. My people look forward to my birthday also. If not, they know what's coming to them."
In no particular order we salute Tyler Hoechlin, 25, played werewolf Derek Hale on the MTV drama Teen Wolf. Lola Falana, 70, once considered the Queen of Las Vegas, she later became an Evangelist. Kristy McNichol, 50, appeared in the television drama Family then retired from acting in 1995 when she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, blames 9/11 for her condition.
Ariana Richards, 33, was Lex Murphy in Jurassic Park. Taraji Henson, 42, tried to give up being a person of color, gave up her birthday observation instead. Laura Wright, 42, was Ally Rescott Bowman on Loving and Carly Corinthos on General Hospital.
Virginia Madsen, 51, Brian DePalma, 72, Elizabeth Daily, 51, Anne Ramsay, 52, Roxann Dawson, 54.
Editor's note: The opinions expressed in this article in no way reflect those of any sensitive individual.
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The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.