Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Kobe the Girl Dad
died one year ago today
Kobe the Black Mamba
died long before that
he was the Kobe we admired for so long
girl dads are a dime a dozen
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Saint Dymphna Patron Saint of Home Schooling and West Virginia
        Sep 26, 2013 - 11:57
       
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WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Imagine you are a fourteen-year-old girl and you discover that your father wants to hook up with you because you resemble your late mother. You've unfriended him on Facebook and you ignore his sext messages, but you still suspect he may have installed a toilet cam in your bathroom.

This was the cross sent by God to Saint Dymphna, who was born in Ireland during the seventh century. Until her fourteenth birthday the worst thing that had ever happened to Dymphna was the death of her mother the year before, but God had other plans for this daughter of a pagan Irish king and his devout Christian wife.

To test Dymphna's faith God made her increasingly attractive to her father, Damon, the handsome king of Oriel. Thus, when Damon began thinking about taking another wife, he began to think about taking Dymphna, who resembled her late mother so much that Damon often found excuses to tuck Dymphna in at night and to tell her a bedtime story.

One night Damon told Dymphna "a true story" about a young, beautiful princess whose mother had died. The princess, although she was sad at first, lived happily ever after, "just her and her father and a magical dragon," in a land called Honalee.

       
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Perhaps it was the way Damon was sweating after he had finished telling the story, perhaps it was the way he tried to kiss Dymphna good-night on the lips, perhaps it was the dream she had later that night, the one in which Damon appeared as a dragon with a fire-breathing penis, but something told Dymphna it was time to get her own apartment.

She fled Ireland for the continent, accompanied by her faithful confessor (Father Gerbilanus) and two loyal servants. They landed in Belgium, eventually settling in the town of Gheel in a roomy apartment above a tavern. There Dymphna was home-schooled by her loyal servants. To fulfill the community-service requirement in her home-schooling program, Dymphna built a hospice for the poor and the sick of Gheel.

Meanwhile, her father, who still wanted a girl just like the girl he had married the first time around—and who still wanted her to provide him with a male heir—was able to locate Dymphna after the agents he had sent to look for her stopped in the tavern for supper and received in their change some of the coins Dymphna had spent on building the hospice. The coins bore an image of King Damon on one side and on the other side, an image of his late wife, who had an unsettling resemblance to Dymphna.

       
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Damon traveled to Gheel to retrieve his daughter. He tortured and killed Father Gerbilanus when he would not allow the king to hide in the confessional and listen the next time Dymphna confessed her sins. Then Damon tried to force Dymphna to return with him to Ireland and become his bride, but she resisted, saying she had Greek verbs to conjugate. Furious, Damon drew his sword and cut off her head.

During the ensuing centuries, as more and more attractive young women who were being home-schooled had to ward off the advances of their fathers, St. Dymphna was promoted from patron saint of West Virginia to patron saint of home schooling. She is also an auxiliary patron saint of pub food, thanks her protection of St. Dymphna's Pub on St. Mark's Place in New York City.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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