postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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New iPad 5 Will Introduce Fading Keypad Letters
Oct 11, 2013 - 12:10
"Our development teams have been hard at work on a truly amazing new feature that we can’t wait to introduce," said Apple CEO Tim Cook in a conference call earlier this week. Mr. Cook then said that the rumored 64-bit processor, a 20-percent-thinner screen, and narrower bezels for the iPad 5 would not be "the big news" at Apple's October 22 event. "Those items are available already in the iPhone 5s and the iPad Mini I," he continued. "Cannibalizing them for the iPad would be enough to excite the faithful and move a lot of units, but as Steve (Jobs) was fond of saying, 'He who isn't busy being born is busy dying.' So we need to reach out to people who have resisted the iPad experience because it doesn't provide everything they're used to with desktop computers. We think we've found a way to do that." Enter the fading keypad, which is designed to mimic "the old-shoe look of an actual keyboard after it's been beat to shit," said one source at Apple. Toward that end the letters and symbols on the keys on the fading keypad will "just fucking disappear eventually if they get used enough."
Apple CFO Peter Oppenheimer refused to confirm or deny the fading keyboard rumors, but he did say that if a customer with a faded keypad chose to, he could return that iPad 5 to Apple and receive a new one for a service fee of $99.95, just as people do when iPad batteries go tits up. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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