Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
Atheist Brotherhood to Begin Unbaptizing Dead People Oct 20, 2013 - 12:01
WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.–The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) will begin unbaptizing dead people next month, says the group's founder, the Reverend Philip Feral. Believed to be the first program of its kind in West Goshen Township, which was Money Magazine's eleventh-best small town in America in 2009, unbaptizing removes "the taint of baptism" from the deceased.
"Baptism is the original sin," declared the reverend, "inflicted on innocent children without their consent. From the time of Abraham the notion of sacrificing a blameless child to a demanding deity has been the true believer's go-to move, but arguments in its favor do not hold water. If churches were honest, they would raise the age of consent for baptism to twenty-one, at least."
According to the Reverend Feral, a duly ordained minister in the Church of Secular Humanism, "We intend to scrub the taint of baptism from the souls of the dearly departed who were baptized before they knew what had hit them. Of course we are using souls ironically, a fact that may go unnoticed by your basic delusional Christian with his or her nose up god's ass."
As explained by the Reverend Feral, the unbaptism ceremony borrows from the Mormon model.
"Just write the stiff's name on a piece of paper, dip the paper into the drink of your choice, and by the time you finish the drink, it's as if the person was never baptized."
The Reverend Feral refers to the practice of unbaptism as "the Gordian Knot solution." In Greek mythology, King Gordius of Phrygia tied the pole of his oxcart to its yoke with a knot so intricate that no one could undo it. Finally Alexander the Great came along, looked at the knot, and said, "Fuck this." He drew his sword and cut the knot in two.
The first person the UBCA plans to unbaptize is the Historical Jesus. Subsequent honorees include Mother Teresa and popes John I through XXIII. Future plans also include an unblessing of the animals.
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.