Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Daily Ganjascope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit Ganjascopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
God "Sick and Tired of Being Everybody's Damn Witness" Oct 28, 2013 - 2:01
HEAVEN–The Lord God Almighty has had it up to his Charlton Heston-like brow with people who say "as god is my witness" when they want to underscore a statement or a threat.
"Have you any idea how many times a day some fool who is overwrought, argumentative, drunk, or all three, calls on me to witness on his behalf?"
Without waiting for an answer the Heavenly Father continued.
"I didn't think you did. Just let me say the number is great beyond reckoning, and you wouldn't believe the stupid things people expect me to witness. Kenny Rogers trying to get with some woman, mothers threatening to take away their kids' iPads, guys in bars trying to win a sports argument, everybody and his no-account brother-in-law drags me into the conversation as though we're on a first-name basis and he's got me on speed dial."
Tossing his leonine mane impatiently, the King of Kings declared, "This drek has got to stop."
A legal source close to the Lord God of Hosts says that calling on god to be your witness in a non-faith-related matter is a lesser form of taking the lord's name in vain, "a misdemeanor, not a felony, to be sure," but an actionable matter nonetheless.
"The Boss is not inclined to get involved in human affairs, no matter how badly some people need to think otherwise. He gave folks the universe, the bible, and Google. What more do they expect?"
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band ex-normal school; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.
The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.