Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
The Grammar Prick Says Leave God Out of It Oct 30, 2013 - 10:50
WEST CHESTER, Pa.–While the Grammar Prick was watching a football game on television recently, an announcer declared, "Quarterbacks like Peyton Manning are a godsend." What is wrong with that statement, boys and girls?
1) Peyton Manning, despite his success during the regular season, has a crap record in playoff games and has won just one Super Bowl in seventeen years.
2) Peyton Manning actually plays fullback.
3) God had squat all to do with Mr. Manning's abilities.
If you chose the third answer, you are correct; and there is a passing chance, at least, that you are nobody's tool. That's more than we can say about people who sprinkle their conversations with references to the almighty the way a priest sprinkles holy water on an innocent child who doesn't need saving from anyone except, perhaps, the priest. Neither the child nor civil discourse, either written or spoken, benefits from the interjection of the almighty.
So what might that lazy, cliche-humping, god-bothering announcer have said about Mr. Manning instead of calling him a godsend? The announcer could have said that Mr. Manning is a once-in-a-lifetime talent, a wonder to behold, or Superman in cleats. Anything would have been better than bringing god off the bench, because any reference to god is a cliche. Witness this example, from an article about the Affordable Care Act (ACA).
"Something went wrong. People could not sign up. Why? Not sure. Who's at fault? Apparently no one. An act of God. Something that could never have been foreseen."
There are two issues here: the uppercase G in God, which is not a proper noun, and the notion that god had anything to do with the meltdown of the ACA website.
At the start of the day, good writing is more than good mechanics. It is also a matter of good taste. Invoking god's name in vain when you write offends not only those who don't believe in god but also those believers who think he has better things to do than to get involved in the creation of athletes or websites.
So, boys and girls, if you're tempted to use expressions like the following in your writing, banish them at once: god forbid, as god is my witness, as god intended, the good lord willing, god rest his soul, for god's sake, god only knows, god help us, honest to god, oh my god, etc.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.