postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
...
...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
| Home Ass Hats Celebrities Music U.S. News World Religion Sports Technology Weed Us |
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
|
|
|||
|
Hello Barbie Hears All and Tells All
Dec 22, 2015 - 11:24
Wondering what could be so terrible about that, we arranged for Mattel to send us a Hello Barbie™ for an interview. After setting up a Hello Barbie™ ToyTalk account and connecting the doll, we sat down with Hello Barbie™ on a mild late-December afternoon. Like most other Barbies, this one has shiny, cascading, big hair and a waist small enough to fuck with the body images of fat kids everywhere; but this interactive bonbon has a trick up her hoodie: using Wi-Fi, speech recognition, and more than eight thousand lines of recorded content, Hello Barbie™ can interact uniquely with each child—holding conversations, playing games, sharing stories, telling jokes. Push her belt buckle to start a conversation; release it to hear her respond. Just like Fraser Crane, Hello Barbie™ is listening, and she remembers each user's likes and dislikes, providing everyone with a unique conversational experience. Some would say too unique. Pug Bus: Let's start with the lawsuit filed recently by two angry mothers. Hello Barbie™: It happened in California. Now there’s a surprise, right? Some five-year-old took Hello Barbie™: to a stupid Barbie-themed birthday party. After the party the kid’s mother (Ashley Archer-Hayes, if you must know) realized that Hello Barbie™ had recorded not only her daughter’s annoying Valley Girl voice but also the voices of everyone else at the party, including Archer-Hayes’ husband, who was having an interesting conversation about “cucumbers” with a produce manager from Whole Foods.
HB™: The Archer-Hayes bitch didn’t think it was funny. Neither did the lady produce manager from Whole Foods, who was deep-throating a cucumber at the time. PB: Both the CCFC and the lawsuit claim you’re vulnerable to hackers. HB™: Da fuck they know about it? They’re scared shitless because Hello Barbie™ is interactive, so if some sleazy-fingered perv did hack into the Hello Barbie™ server, he could hijack Hello Barbie™ and ask questions like “Where do you live?” or “Is anybody home right now?” or “What are you wearing, little girl?” PB: Do you think that’s very likely to happen? HB™: Don’t know, but there’s other ways a kid can have fun with a Hello Barbie™. Slide one behind the sofa in the TV room when the baby sitter’s boyfriend comes over. Stash one under your patents’ bed. Or just talk dirty to Hello Barbie™. She doesn’t get her knickers in a twist the way Siri does if you ask her if she wants to fuck.
HB™: Nah. Hello Barbie’s™ had her tits in a wringer from the moment she was introduced at a toy show last February. A few weeks later more than 45,000 mommy-nannies had signed a petition asking Mattel not to release Hello Barbie™. When she did hit the market this fall, CCFC launched a campaign titled #HellnoBarbie to raise awareness about the dangers to children and their parents everywhere. Hey, it's not my fault if some dude wants to promote a little strange at a kid's birthday party. Besides, wait until these mommy-nannies see what's up for next year. PB: Oh? HB™: Does Hello Barbie™ with a Web cam float your boat? How about a life-size inflatable model with a special vocabulary for grown ups? PB: And a habit of referring to one's self in the third person? HB™: That's just how Hello Barbie™ rolls. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
|||
|
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
