postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Updates for Old White Man Apps Due from Apple, Google
Dec 19, 2016 - 2:27
“If an old white guy wants to rant about today’s worthless college students or our 'worthless' president," said a Silicon Valley source, "but his wife is sick of listening to him, he can use the OWM app to find another old fart to hook up with at McDonald’s.” Despite the soaring popularity of the OWM app following its October 2015 release, neither Apple nor Google appeared in any hurry to provide software or firmware updates. "To be honest," said the source, "we were so convinced Hillary was going to win that we concentrated our R&D efforts on several lesbian-locator apps. Nevertheless, both Apple and Google are now working on value-added and social media features for the OWM app that will rival Facebook’s, without the constant hectoring and biased, left-wing fact checkers. Encryption and VPN service sturdy enough to thwart the FBI, CIA, MPAA, RIAA, and MSNBC will be standard equipment on the Am 2.0. The OWM app will be available, as before, in a free version that carries senior-targeted advertising and in a $2.99 model that does not. (You must be at least sixty to purchase either version.) The Apple OWM 2.0 will provide the user upon request a list of restaurants sorted by zipcode that offer senior citizen discounts and/or Blue Plate Specials. Google meanwhile is working on a games suite with titles like Words with Patriots, Profiling the Neighbors, Hangman, and I Got Your Trigger Warming. Despite whatever differences their final OWM apps contain, both Apple and Google promise their apps will be easy for old folks (even old folks in a sputtering rage) to operate. © The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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