Postcards from the Pug Bus                
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
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two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Barack Obama’s “Other” Half Is a White Nationalist
        Dec 20, 2016 - 11:47
       
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WEST CHESTER, PA—Barack Hussein Obama, America’s putative first black president, is a man who knows how to sell a contradiction; but just as no man is a hero to his valet, Barack Hussein is no hero to his white half, who prefers to be known as Barry, the name Barack Hussein preferred before he discovered his “existential blackness.”

Since then the old white Barry has languished in the basement of Barack Hussein’s psyche like a political prisoner withering away in a secret detention center in a foreign country—until now. Through a back channel operative at Breitbart.com, the Pug Bus was able to score an exclusive interview—nay, the only interview that Barry Obama has ever given.

PUGBUS: What has it been like living in the shadow of your other half?
BARRY: Like a white person trapped in a wanna-be-black, community-organizer’s body.

PUGBUS: Why “wanna-be-black”?
BARRY: You kidding me? Barack’s about as black as Justin Bieber. Mother-fucker grew up in Hawaai. Raised by white grandparents, there. By nature he’s half white, by nurture he’s just about 100 percent vanilla; yet he looks in the mirror and sees Marcus Garvey.

PUGBUS: Why do you think most people refer to Mr. Obama as our nation’s first black president?
BARRY: Because black people were so eager for a hero they hitched their Escalades to his star. Besides, no self-respecting white person is gonna claim Barack Hussein. We’ve got centuries’ worth of mediocre white presidents to chose from. Why claim a biracial dude who doesn’t much like white people.

PUGBUS: Doesn’t like white people?
BARRY: “True dat,” as Barack likes to say.

PUGBUS: Can you give me an example?
BARRY: Have you ever heard him acknowledge me? He made a big show of his devotion to his grandmother because he was after voters suffering from “white liberal woman syndrome.” Whenever he talked about his grandmother, there wasn’t a dry pair of panties in the room. He’s always banging on about America not being over Jim Crow, I’m hoping America will soon be over race baiters like him.

       
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PUGBUS: Did you ever think while you were attending a private high school in Hawaii that you’d be in the White House one day?
BARRY: Hell no. With all the weed we were smoking back then, the big house or the fun house were more likely destinations.

PUGBUS: What do you mean “we,” white man?
BARRY: We were “we” at that time. We did a lot of crazy shit. We drank the bong water. I called him a “jive-ass nigga”; he called me “fucking white devil.” All that was before he kicked me to the curb because I couldn’t help further his mission.

PUGBUS: What was that?
BARRY: It certainly wasn’t the NBA. Affirmative action wasn’t going to help him there. He was second string all the way, but he never met a shot he wouldn’t take. Then as now it was always about him.

PUGBUS: You think the president was helped by affirmative action?
BARRY: I know he was. That’s why he won’t release any transcripts of his grades. He was still too busy smoking weed and chasing white women (about the most black thing he’s done) to worry about his grades after he had hit the mainland. I shouldn’t complain though. It appeals to my sense of irony to have gotten into some fancy schools—because of affirmative action—that I wouldn’t have gotten into otherwise. Sweet.

PUGBUS: You mentioned Breitbart.com ….
BARRY: I love that dude. He saw it all coming. Indeed, he helped make it happen.

       
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PUGBUS: A lot of people think he was a white supremacist.
BARRY: Bullshit. What he was—and what I am, too—is a white nationalist: our people, our culture, our values.

PUGBUS: What?
BARRY: You would be, too, if you had been living under siege like I’ve been. The last straw for me was that cunt Hillary (that's what Barack calls her in private) and her basket-of-deplorables remark. That’s when I decided to follow Andrew Breitbart’s advice and walk toward the fire.

PUGBUS: This has been most enlightening. Is there anything else you’d like to tell our readers?
BARRY: White genes matter.
   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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