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Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Michael Moore Urges Simultaneous Toilet Flush on Inauguration Day
Dec 24, 2016 - 9:03
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Does my head make this hat look small?
FLINT, MI—In his ongoing quest to delegitimize Donald Trump’s presidency, Michael Moore is now urging Americans to flush their toilets en masse when Mr. Trump takes the oath of office on inauguration day.

“It’s our version of draining the swamp,” said Mr. Moore. “We call it swamping the drains.”

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Don't look at me. I voted for Trump.
According to Mr. Moore, history overflows with examples of sewer systems busting a gut when they were flushed to the limit—beginning with isolated reports of sewer lines springing a leak immediately following some broadcasts of the Amos 'n' Andy radio program in the 1930s.

In addition, said Mr. Moore, the last episode of M*A*S*H, which attracted more than fifty million viewers on February 28, 1983, caused damage to several metropolitan sewage systems, including Des Moines, Iowa, and Fargo, North Dakota.

Milo Yiannopoulos of Breitbart.com called Mr. Moore’s plan a load of crap. “All these TV programs that allegedly broke sewer lines had plenty of commercials during which people could pop off to the loo, so there was no need for everyone to flush at once at the end of the show. And by the way, darling, could you think of any worse job in the world than being Michael Moore’s toilet?”

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“Milo’s just another constipated white supremacist who doesn’t get it,” said Mr. Moore. “Swamp the Drains is going to be choreographed so that progressive toilets all over the country will be flushed at exactly the moment that Donald Trump puts his tiny, little hand on the bible. That’s never happened in the history of our country before.”

Next on Ellen: Michelle Obama reads her new Kwanzaa poem “We Is Got No Hope.”


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