postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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...Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
(1) Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist, an angel vomits on her halo;
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
(2) Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at 150, lots of room for social distancing;
(3) New Royals Book Lifts Lid Off Queen Eizabeth's Underwear
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The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Killer Kwanzaa App Suspected of Causing Computer Crashes
Dec 25, 2020 - 6:30
This scorched-app strategy is similar Microsoft’s hyper-aggressive rollout of Windows 10 last year and Apple’s jack-booted “giveaway” of U2’s Songs of Innocence CD two years ago. The Killer Kwanzaa app comes with a twist, however, a stealth version of the app is delivered only to digital devices in selected, high-dollar ZIP codes, while a modified, plain-vanilla version of the app is delivered to intercity ZIPs. “Brothers and sisters lookin’ for some flash-mob activity can use the pain-vanilla version of the app,” said Kwame Ferguson. “This app also spits out a list of the cheapest barbecue near the meet-up spot.” The stealth version of the Killer Kwanzaa app is a horse of another color, however—an apocalyptic color that does hi-ho-Silvers on your front lawn. Residents of Grosse Pointe, Michigan, who visited the BLM site reported strange behavior following their visits.
Additional surprises were in store for persons who visited white nationalist websites after having visited the BLM site. “What the fuck,” exclaimed one subscriber to The Daily Stormer website, “I land on the site and I see a picture of this black chick wiping her butt with an American flag."
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. |
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