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Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


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Trump Tweets Support for Medical Marijuana for Pets
Dec 27, 2016 - 12:57
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NEW YORK—President-elect Donald J. Trump announced in a late night tweet that he favors the legalization of medical marijuana for pets as part of his Make America Great Again campaign. “More than 1/2 of 1st-yr vets earn less than $45K/yr … time to legalize medical marijuana for pets.”

Buried among several tweets that fat-shamed Lena Dunham, called Michelle Obama's mental health into question, and suggested that one of Michelle's daughters might be pregnant, Mr. Trump’s pot-for-pets recommendation doesn’t have three legs to stand on yet, but the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) wagged its tail happily at the news.

"The potential for income-stream maximization is awesome," said AVMA executive president Janet Donlin, DVM. "The more veterinary practices that offer medical marijuana, the more money veterinarians will earn."

Medical marijuana for humans, which is legal in twenty-eight states and the District of Columbia, is currently prescribed to alleviate nausea and vomiting, to stimulate appetite, to lower intraocular eye pressure, to aid the hearing-impaired by increasing their ability to perceive words more clearly in social settings, and to promote a sense of well-being among persons with persistent depression.

"Our pets can enjoy the same benefits from marijuana that humans do," said Dr. Donlin. She added that administering medical marijuana to pets is not really that different from sitting around getting the cat stoned.

"Our clients who smoke pot are already comfortable with blowing smoke in kitty's face. That's a ready-made market to which we have the inside track. All we have to do is offer our clients lower prices and promote the added value of legality when you buy from a veterinarian."

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The AVMA will not neglect pet owners who do not smoke pot. "We’re currently beta testing our patented Medical Marijuana Delivery System for Pets (MMDSP)," said Dr. Donlin.

About the size of your leaf (or concentrate) vaporizer, the MMDSP is designed for use in an enclosed space such as a powder room or walk-in closet. After placing the cat in the delivery space—and the recommended dose of marijuana in the MMDSP's ceramic combustion chamber—the pet owner closes the door to the room and activates the MMDSP using a cell phone app. After the unit delivers the smoke (and your cat's slumped in the corner singing "I am the walrus,") the unit turns itself off.

Dr. Donkin estimated that the MMDSP will retail for "about $149.95," depending on location. It can be purchased individually or bundled with an electronic air-freshening unit.


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