Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Ganjascope℠ Got Weed? Get Scoped
        Aug 24, 2019 - 5:49
       
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Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Sagittarians are ever the cynics. Always willing to believe it isn't butter; that some people's minds wouldn't be a terrible thing to waste; and that maybe you don't deserve a break today. That's why Sagittarians should pick their weed by terpene profile and THC level, not that stupid sativa-indica-hybrid shit.

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): The harmonic investiture of the planets Currier and Ives suggests that you have something essential to prove. Could it be the First Law of Thermodynamics? The Pythagorean Theorem? That Jay-Z is really a dick? In your quest for certitude, don't overlook the obvious. The proof may be right there in the bowl you're smoking, Skippy.

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): Your ability to function without the aid of psychotropic drugs is severely compromised by the onset of acute Umberallis Prophylaxis: fear of going outside without the proper rainwear. Should you enroll in a Weather Channel support group? Perhaps, but why not let a skunk be your umbrella on a rainy, rainy day?

Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): Seek shelter at once. Tax shelter, bomb shelter, shelter for the homeless, Shelter Island, it doesn't matter. When we plugged the numbers corresponding to your most significant planetary modulations into out Astrology for Idiots software, the screen went blank and up came this "fatal error" message. Our advice: Smoke 'em if you got 'em, get some if you don't, but never leave home without 'em.

       
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Aries (3/21 - 4/19): There are four fixed signs in the zodiac, Killer, but yours ain't one of them. As an unfixed, free-range sign, however, you're free to run with the Heavy Hitters, if not the bulls. Use this freedom indiscriminately if you will, but remember: Only you can prevent panic attacks.

Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): In the major planetary conjunction of 2020, the three planets closest to Earth will be in Taurus for the first time since the Beatles broke up. The next time this conjunction occurs a black, lesbian tranny will be elected president. This has nothing to do with you, but life generally doesn’t. That's why you smoke so much.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): You begin to fear that your Puffco Peak, a crap product if ever there was one, can read and record your thoughts. Sources at Puffco, what a gay name, tell us that you are obsessed with thoughts of violence against cats and of running away with the next door neighbor. Or did those sources says "acts of violence against the next door neighbor and running away with cats"? That's why you should never trust a Puffco product.

Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): Your birthstone is the guano. Your color is eggshell brown. Your power phrase is, "Beats me." Your favorite strain is Williams Wonder or some other sissy blend. Before you go setting your gearshift for the high gear of your soul, make sure the clutch is engaged, your seat belt is in position, your air bags are functioning properly, your insurance is paid, and you're wearing clean underwear.

Leo (7/23 - 8/22): Life is your karaoke tape, and there ain't a note you can’t hit. The sun only has eyes for you. The stars are your spotlights. All the traffic lights are green, and rain falls only when you're sleeping. You could smoke a blunt of Strawberry Cough all by yourself without coughing. This kind of run ought to be framed and put on a wall as a reminder of human potential. As that hairy-handed Chef John says, "Enjoy."

        Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Your gregarious, talkative nature when you're wasted is both a blessing and a bane. It enables you to take advantage of people right and left and to get away with murder, but by the same stars you are four times more likely to becoming addicted to computer chat rooms than is any other sign of the zodiac.

Libra (9/23 - 10/23): When we consulted the entrails of our McDonald's Southwest Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Salad last night, two distinct faces emerged: Jerry Garcia's and Martha Stewart's, both were smoking Nevada Crowd Pleasers. Obviously you are a trend setter, but terminal cognitive dissonance could erupt if either of those psyches were stuck in the other person's body. We recommend inactivity and prayer—and a donation to Jerry's Kids.

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): You say you were an unwanted child? You lead a marginalized, meaningless existence? You hate your hair texture? You’re a Persian trapped in an alley cat's body? You've lost your moral compass and your favorite roach clip? A cold, existential dread corrodes your dreams? What makes you say that, anyway? Haven't you got anything good to say? Fuck off.

   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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