"In 2018, the latest year for which such data have been published, African-Americans made up 53% of known homicide offenders in the U.S. and commited about 60% of robberies, though they are 13% of the population." WSJ
STAFF PICKS ...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
President Trump Vows to Make GPS Great Again Aug 30, 2019 - 12:02
WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump announced this morning that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorism and the rash of travelers who wound up as many as five hundred miles off course after following aggressive GPS instructions, the president said that such incidents could threaten America's confidence in its infrastructure.
"We're working hard to keep this country headed in the right direction," said the president, "but we can't do that if people lose faith in their GPS devices."
According to the president, a recent MSNBC-ESPN poll demonstrated that loss of faith.
"More than half the people in this country believe we're headed in the wrong direction," said the president. "I blame crappy, 'off-shore' GPS systems for this sad lack of direction. Americans shouldn't buy any GPS system manufactured in a shithole country."
The most recent case of a "sad" GPS malfunction involved a Trump-supporting Nevada couple John and Beth Martin, who were stranded on Christmas Day after their SUV's navigation system sent them down a remote dirt road and into a ditch in the Winema-Fremont National Forest outside the small town of Silver Lake.
"We were just looking for a McDonald's," said Mr. Martin, 67. He and his wife, 65, were stranded overnight with nothing but candy canes for sustenance and the Kenny G. Christmas album for amusement. Finally a rescue team responded to their weak cell-phone signal and pulled the couple's four-wheel-drive Toyota Sequoia out of the ditch.
"The GPS kept sending us down these tiny dirt roads," said Mrs. Martin, "and when we asked for an alternate route, it told us to 'shut up and drive' in this Middle Eastern accent. It was almost like it had a mind of its own."
Following his Rose Garden appearance this morning, President Trump told reporters that he would drive from the White House to Camp David this weekend with nothing but a GPS for guidance.
In related news, the Automobile Association of America is advising travelers to drive their cars around the block a few times to test their GPS systems before setting out on a journey of more than ten miles.
Our fearless editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the festering evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; his hatred of soccer moms; and a whole lot more!"
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.