Presenting the astrological world's first Ganjascope, a timeless foretelling that reveals your past, present, and future at once. We take the logical out of astrological
Penultimate Day Campaign Updates
Recently Postcards from the Pug Bus petitioned the National Day Calendar to designate December 30 each year as National Penultimate Day. For the ultimate and the penultimate news about that campaign, click here.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery-smelling, dried-up, old-biddy Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this.""
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Fllip the Bird to Before You Die
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Your Bucket List
7. Pissing Indoors
9. Stupid-ass Old Fart Hats
10. Going to Bed Early
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Your sun is in Leo, which could portend trouble because it's supposed to be in Albuquerque. Leo's son, meanwhile, has just confessed his love for his stepmother, who is being blackmailed by a mysterious, talkative gentleman named Jack Herer, who threatens to make public the details of Leo's son’s stepmother's affair with Leo's dealer. Pictures at 11:00.
Libra (9/23 - 10/23): Myopic, yet insightful; quiescent, yet dynamic; honest, yet mendacious, you are the magnet that proves the opposites-attract, hybrid theory. Others more single-minded than you may find you confusing, but you should make great company for yourself and your favorite hybrid, Gelato. Settle down with your favorite double acrostic, order in, and prepare to stay blissfully at home, at least until the fall equinox.
Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): If the enemy of your enemy is your friend, does this mean that your friend's friend is your enemy? Or are you simply being paranoid from too much Sour Diesel? Don't make any decisions unless you begin getting calls from a foreign-sounding man who breathes heavily into the phone and identifies himself as Al Ninyo. Then let your imagination and your feet run wild.
Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): You say everyone but your creditors and your parole officer forgot your birthday? Don’t let other people’s selfish preoccupations with their lives spoil the party. Send yourself an anonymous e-mail, agree to meet the sender for dinner, and don’t be shy about giving it up on the first date. If you don’t have a birthday this week, send an anonymous birthday card and an eighth of Sour Mango to someone who does. It’s better to be a gift horse than a horse’s ass.
Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): Capricorns suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with one's own company. If you hanker to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. If you don't like who you are, become somebody else. There are companies that advertise in the backs of magazines that will help you. The Dark Web is also a place where you can "be yourself."
Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): The oracles at Delphi, Microsoft, and Graceland suggest that any major decisions you make in the near term be guided by the following maxim: Half a blunt is better than none only when the sum of the hypotenuse is greater than or equal to the hexadecimal value of burnt orange. If you must color your world, color it something that doesn’t clash with your aura, which runs to earth tones. Anything red—be it wine, underwear, or meat—could be misinterpreted by those closest to you, including yourself.
Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): Pisces are ruled by the buttocks, the seat of all power. Their gemstone is porcelain, their favorite time of day is right after meals, and they prize regularity above all other virtues. Pisces' need to get to the bottom of an issue and their tendency to go it alone make them excellent research scientists.
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): According to the Lil Nas X Random Actuarial Profile, where "10" equals "dead-bolt cinch" and "0" equals "dead in the water," your critical numbers for this week are: communicable disease, 8; grace under fire, 3; meets the criteria, 2; plays well with others, 1; inappropriate response 9; soils bed clothes, 6; coughs up a lung 7, cannot recommend for advancement, 8.
Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): Like most Taurans you are a sniveling complainer, unable to get your mind around the fact that we are all responsible for our own karma. Perhaps the mess that is your present life is but your last request from a previous existence. Try to discover what you were smoking then, why you were executed in that existence, and what your first requests were.
Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): Your sex life is a shareware program about to expire. One-size-fits-all gloves don't come in your size. If dreams took human form, yours would be wearing toe tags. The planets, the traffic lights, every terpene known to man, even the local Salvation Army band will line up against you. Have you insulted one of the mothers of the gods recently or what?
Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): Your financial prospects are so wretched you could only afford the new George Foreman heavyweight grill on a time-sharing arrangement with a family that’s overly fond of ditch weed. Later in the month a three-hundred-pound canary named Lemon G will raise the specter of duality, adjectives, and the Hegelian dialectic in your mind.
Leo (7/23 - 8/22): After a twelve-course Chinese dinner, you switch fortune cookies with the person next to you when she isn't looking. When she opens "her" cookie, she grins happily. Several weeks later you learn that she has won a million dollars in the lottery. Meanwhile, the cookie that you opened said, "That wasn't really pork," and you haven't been able to find your stash for three days
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Although he no longer self-identifies with the basket of deplorables, our editor in briefs is still considered a basket case—and deplorable—in many precincts. He is determined to outlive that twat Mick Jagger, and he believes, to paraphrase Phish, "You've got one life, blog on!"