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lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Paper straws suck ... so do people who insist we use them ... you wouldn't use a paper diaphram ... why use a paper straw ...

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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

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Presenting the astrological world's first Ganjascope, a timeless foretelling that reveals your past, present, and future at once. We take the logical out of astrological.

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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


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Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Religion
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

Apple iPhone 11 Contains Fecal Finder™ App
Sep 12, 2019 - 6:06
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The iPhone 11, Pro, and Pro Max start at $699, $999, and $1,099, respectively.
The forty-days-and-forty-nights rollout of the iPhone 11 is nearing the end of the tunnel, and Apple, it seems, has saved one of the most revolutionary features of its gear new phone for last: the Fecal Finder™ app, which can detect fecal material as small as one part per one hundred millionth on any iPhone 11.

"That's like being able to detect fly shit in a hay stack," said Apple's CEO, Tim Cook.

Apple was keen to develop the Fecal Finder™ app after the release of a British study two years ago that reported that one out of every six iPhones in the U.K. is contaminated with the E. Coli bacteria. That's the good news. The bad news is: the source of E. Coli is usually shit.

Does this finding imply that one out of six iPhone users in the U.K. wipes his or her ass with a cell phone? Probably not, said Dr. Don Reynolds of Beach Urgent Care; but some people do take their iPhones into the loo, where they check their email and maybe phone in an order for a take-away curry; and if your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, your phone is going to start smelling like your ass one day .

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The first time the Fecal Finder™ detects the presence of merde on an iPhone, the app places a robo call to that phone's number, asking the phone's owner to clean up his or her act. If the phone is still contaminated the following day, the Fecal Finder™ places a robo call reminder. Upon a third consecutive fecal detection, the Fecal Finder™ app locks down the offending phone, which is good for placing only three emergency calls until it has been cleaned.

"Of course," sighed Mr. Cook, "this problem could be avoided if people washed their hands thoroughly after using the bathroom. Steve (Jobs) was obsessed with personal hygiene. He used to wash his hands fifteen times a day. Hell, I've seen him wash his hands when somebody else used the bathroom, so I know that somewhere he's looking down on the Fecal Finder™ with that goofy smile of his."

In related news: the iPhone 12, scheduled for a late January release, will feature anal recognition technology that will enhance the use of the Fecal Finder™, GrindMe, and other popular apps.


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Discordianism--the one religion to have if you're having more than one—or none at all.

High Times--wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for near you?

Pirate Bay--indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop

Soulseek--no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free. To hell with those overpriced streaming services. As the Buddha says, "Stream your own shit, mother-fucker."

Spectrum Labs-need to pass a piss test?

Vaults of Erowid-before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort

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