Presenting the astrological world's first Ganjascope, a timeless foretelling that reveals your past, present, and future at once. We take the logical out of astrological
Penultimate Day Campaign
Join the Pug Bus in its crusade to have December 30 declared National Penultimate Day. Our goal is to rescue penultimate from the puss-warted clutches of abusers of the language. What's more, we can give that snooty "Auld Lang Syne" business a well-deserved kick in the shorts. For the ultimate—and the penultimate—news about our glorious campaign, click here.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a dried-up, old-biddy Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this.""
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX Fucking News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Your Stinking Bucket List
7. Pissing Indoors
8. Hugging Anyone You're Not Fucking
9. Stupid-ass, Dip-Shit, Old Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
The iPhone 11, Pro, and Pro Max start at $699, $999, and $1,099, respectively.
The forty-days-and-forty-nights rollout of the iPhone 11 is nearing the end of the tunnel, and Apple, it seems, has saved one of the most revolutionary features of its gear new phone for last: the Fecal Finder app, which can detect fecal material as small as one part per one hundred millionth on any iPhone 11.
"That's like being able to detect fly shit in a hay stack," said Apple's CEO, Tim Cook.
Apple was keen to develop the Fecal Finder app after the release of a British study two years ago that reported that one out of every six iPhones in the U.K. is contaminated with the E. Coli bacteria. That's the good news. The bad news is: the source of E. Coli is usually shit.
Does this finding imply that one out of six iPhone users in the U.K. wipes his or her ass with a cell phone? Probably not, said Dr. Don Reynolds of Beach Urgent Care; but some people do take their iPhones into the loo, where they check their email and maybe phone in an order for a take-away curry; and if your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, your phone is going to start smelling like your ass one day .
The first time the Fecal Finder detects the presence of merde on an iPhone, the app places a robo call to that phone's number, asking the phone's owner to clean up his or her act. If the phone is still contaminated the following day, the Fecal Finder places a robo call reminder. Upon a third consecutive fecal detection, the Fecal Finder app locks down the offending phone, which is good for placing only three emergency calls until it has been cleaned.
"Of course," sighed Mr. Cook, "this problem could be avoided if people washed their hands thoroughly after using the bathroom. Steve (Jobs) was obsessed with personal hygiene. He used to wash his hands fifteen times a day. Hell, I've seen him wash his hands when somebody else used the bathroom, so I know that somewhere he's looking down on the Fecal Finder with that goofy smile of his."
In related news: the iPhone 12, scheduled for a late January release, will feature anal recognition technology that will enhance the use of the Fecal Finder, GrindMe, and other popular apps.