Postcards from the Pug Bus                    
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Hillary Clinton blames her election loss on white supremacy
ex-Prince Harry and Whatsherface desperately seeking a nickname
Microsoft introduces new anal font "for assholes with something on their minds"
White women can't jump, either
Ashli Babbitt proved that . . . "bang, you're dead"
Happy New Year, same as the Old Year, from the alt right's favorite satire site
STAFF PICKS
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
image of iconic screaming person
      
two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
burma shave sign with jingle
        
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Ganjascope℠ Wins New York Times Trichome Award
        Sep 18, 2019 - 6:06
       
an image
The Ganjascope℠, Snoop Dogg's favorite astrological bulletin, was honored by the New York Times with its First Annual Trichome Award for excellence in marijuana writing. "The Ganjascope© makes dank, bold predictions that challenge credulity without leaving a harsh after taste," wrote the Times. "If marijuana-themed horoscopes had THC levels, The Ganjascope© would rank in the high 90s."

Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Following several bong rips of Hell's OG—your typical nightcap—you dream that you are having tantric sex with a palm reader named Madam Velveeta. She tells you to imagine that you are your favorite pet. Then she tells you to imagine that you have fallen asleep and you are dreaming. When you wake up, you vow never to let the dog sleep in your bed again.

Libra (9/23 - 10/23): If people can patent strains of weed, they ought to be able to patent themselves. Right? Wrong. Your attempt to patent yourself meets with failure and ridicule when a panel of scientific experts declares there is nothing original about you. Before seeking prominence in the world, you should work on becoming a household word in your own house. Start tomorrow by wearing a name tag to breakfast.

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): This week the things that turn you on turn on you. What’s more, you are haunted by a sepulchral voice that moans, “Humpty Dumpty died for your sins.” When you go for a drive to clear your head, you notice the following sticker: “Objects seen in the rearview mirror may not necessarily be real.” Such is the price you pay for your fondness for live concentrates. Observe the speed limit for the time being and resist the temptation to think of yourself in the third person.

Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Your love of irony mutates into a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life under the influence of Mary Jane. Dandruff shampoo turns you into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication makes you hack and sputter like a flooded outboard motor. Deodorant produces a rancid, road-kill aroma about your personal zones. I'd lay off the Beano, contraceptive devices, and hemorrhoid preparations if I were you. Focus on treating the illness not its symptoms. Begin by understanding the difference between irony and coincidence. If time permits, work on the difference between imply and infer.

***image3***Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): During a reenactment of Pickett’s ill-considered charge at the Battle of Gettysburg, you sneak off for a joint and discover a document that proves Lincoln plagiarized the Gettysburg Address from a Bull Run Life, Casualty and Cow Theft brochure. Instead of making you rich, your discovery brings you nothing but calumny and venom, and you will find it impossible to get insurance.

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): You will have a recurring dream in which you travel to a strange land where the temperature is always a prime number; but on the day you arrive, the thermometer will read 80 degrees. Fearing the wrath of their gods, the inhabitants of that strange land will remove all the vowels from their alphabet. Thn th sht wll ht th fn.

Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): Beware imitations when shopping for drugs on the Dark Web, or you might put your faith in a zircon in the rough. Don't hide your light under a bushel either, a breadbox is less translucent; besides, nobody looks for a light under a breadbox. Watch the history channel. It's better to learn from our mistakes on television than it is to repeat them. Color outside the lines if you want. The wages of sin are tax-exempt.

Aries (3/21 - 4/19): Your astral twin is abducted by aliens from the Mothership Eninac, where artificial intelligence is hooked on phonics. That explains the mechanical but seductive voice whispering in your third ear this past fortnight. Before giving into its importunings, ask yourself “What would Tommy Chong do?” Look beyond name dropping and hectoring others in fashioning a response to demands placed on you by loved ones and co-workers. You need to be more flexible. Your modality is, after all, mutable. Later in the week, take in a movie.

***image4***Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): Taurans are highly possessive, adore their own company, and mate for life. These qualities suggest an interesting solution to current relationship problems—self-sex marriage. Think of the benefits: always knowing when your partner’s in the mood, never getting grief about rolling over and falling asleep afterward, never being assaulted by morning breath, never having to watch your partner Bogart a joint. If anyone is creative enough to be his or her own soulmate, it’s you, oh bullish one. So why not walk down the aisle with the one person capable of making you truly happy—yourself.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): In the foreseeable future—or the next few days at least—you become the Velcro Pup of Good Fortune after finding a eighth of Sour Mango under your bean bag chair. Happiness dances along in step with you like pom-poms dangling from the rearview mirror of a purple Rolls Royce driven by some fly mother-fucker in a pimp hat. You could draw to an inside straight or race railroad trains to the crossing. If there’s someone you’ve been meaning to piss off—or somebody you’ve been longing to piss on—there’s no time like the present.

Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): Your celestial bong may be half full or half-assed. This condition prevails when the arrow of the sacred roach clip of foresight and knowledge is paused halfway between the two-headed weasel and the boardwalk icon. The weasel is the symbol of paralyzing self-doubt, gnawing despair, and twisted knickers. The boardwalk icon portends the acquisition of great wealth, but that acquisition depends on a fortunate roll of the dice. Your next move may be critical, so move carefully if at all, and wash your hands after using the loo.

Leo (7/23 - 8/22): Once in a hundred leap years, when Sirius Doggy Dogg enters the House of the Seven Gables, a canine is born whose birthdays are not divisible by seven. Many will be this wonder dog’s blessings, and great will be his wealth and fame, but he still won’t be allowed in restaurants unless accompanied by a blind person.


   

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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